// intel / psychology

the guy with no plan gets the girl. the guy with a strategy gets ghosted.

tldr: Every text with an agenda attached gets ghosted because she can feel you angling for something. The guy who shows up with no plan, no goal, and no move to make is the one she chases. Drop the agenda, drop the number from inside the bit, and let her do the pursuing.

#dating-apps#texting#attraction#strategy#ghosting

Every text you send has an invisible agenda stapled to it.

You think it's hidden. It isn't. She reads it in the first line.

You're angling for the number. Or the date. Or the tension. Or the reply. And she can feel every one of those wants radiating off the screen like heat off a parking lot. That's the whole problem. Not your grammar. Not your opener. The agenda.

why can she tell i have a plan?

Put yourself in her inbox. Fifty new matches a day. Every single guy wants her number, wants the date, wants to hook up. She'd be insane not to develop a filter for it. She has one. It's razor sharp.

So when you show up with a strategy, she clocks it instantly. It's the car dealership feeling. You walk in, the salesguy is overly friendly, overly interested, laughing a little too hard at nothing. You know he doesn't care about you. He cares about the sale. That's the exact energy your "so what are you looking for on here?" answer gives off.

I had to learn this the hard way myself. I was the guy with the strategy. I planned my texts. I sequenced them. I thought I was playing chess. I was getting ghosted by people who weren't even playing. This is the same thing I mean when I say the best guys have the worst text game. The planning is the tell.

what does the guy with no plan actually do differently?

He shows up happy to be there. No agenda. Just here for a good time.

It's the difference between going to a bar to meet women and going to a bar because you wanted to check out the new spot, the menu, the part of the city you'd never seen. When you're not hunting, you're relaxed. When you're relaxed, you're magnetic. When you're magnetic, she does the work.

This is Signal Inversion Theory in one sentence: every trait that made you successful at work is the exact thing sabotaging you on the apps. The conscientiousness. The planning. The follow-through. The "let me lock down the logistics." All of it screams agenda. All of it kills the thing you're trying to build.

how should i answer "what are you looking for on here?"

Here's the landmine. She asks it early. You panic. You try to cover every base.

Watch what most guys send versus what actually works.

her: so what are you looking for on here?

you (the agenda): honestly i'm open to whatever, but ideally someone i really connect with. maybe something serious if it feels right.

you (no agenda): straight to the hard questions huh. i feel like i'm being deposed. should i have a lawyer present?

The first one is the most boring sentence on Earth. It offends no one and says nothing. You're trying to be a safe pick for a serious relationship AND a fun pick for something casual, so you land as nothing.

She isn't asking about your life goals. She's screening. She wants to know one thing: are you going to be heavy and normal, or are you going to be fun. The earnest answer confirms her worst fear. The deposition line dodges the question and accuses her of interrogating you. Now she's laughing. Now she's the one on the back foot. That's the whole game.

You do not answer "what are you looking for" over text. That's a date conversation. In person there's nuance, tone, eye contact. Over text you have none of it, so you shoot yourself in the foot 99% of the time. Dodge it. Every time.

This is the same reason trying to impress her after she matched backfires. Answering earnestly is impressing. Impressing is agenda. Agenda is death.

she said we should hang out. don't i just lock it in?

Say you clear the landmine. Conversation's rolling. Five messages later she says: "we should hang out sometime. maybe grab drinks this weekend? :)"

She closed it. She did your job for you. So of course this is the moment you ruin it.

her: we should hang out sometime. maybe grab drinks this weekend? :)

you (the guy who owns a calendar): yeah definitely! when are you free? i know a great spot downtown.

you (the guy being hunted): you're moving fast and i don't know the rules, i've never made it this far. 555-0123. someone has to drive and it can't be me.

The first one turns you into a project manager. Exclamation point. Availability request. Venue pitch. You took her flirty invitation and turned it into a scheduling thread. You became a guy who owns a calendar.

The second one drops the number from inside the joke. Notice you're not asking for hers. You never ask for her number. She has fifty guys asking for it right now. You drop yours and hand her the wheel. "Someone has to drive and it can't be me" keeps you as the one being pursued.

That's the paradox. When you stop chasing, she chases. When you stop trying to build tension, tension builds itself. She's been pursued her entire life. It bores her. The one guy not making a move is the one she can't stop thinking about, because she can't figure out why he isn't. I go deeper on the number drop in this one simple change that gets more numbers, and it's the same principle every time. Give her the wheel.

isn't this just playing hard to get?

No. Hard to get is still a strategy. It's still an agenda, just wearing a disguise. She can smell the calculation on that too.

This is doing the opposite of your instinct, George Costanza style: the episode where George decides every instinct he's ever had is wrong, so he walks up to a beautiful woman and says "I'm unemployed and I live with my parents," and she's instantly into it. Your instincts on the apps are George's instincts before the switch. Every polished, planned, agenda-loaded thing you want to send is the wrong move. The dumb, honest, no-stakes version is the right one.

That's why playing it safe is actually the risky move. The safe text is the one with the agenda buried in it. The reckless-sounding text is the one with no agenda at all, which is exactly why it works.

so what's the actual takeaway?

The guy with a strategy is trying to steer the conversation to a place he decided on before she said a word. She feels the steering. She pulls the wheel back. Ghost.

The guy with no plan has nowhere he's trying to get to. So he's funny. He's loose. He dodges. He teases. He drops a number inside a bit and shrugs. There's no exit he's angling toward, so she stops bracing and starts chasing.

Kill the agenda. Not because it's noble. Because the agenda is the exact thing losing you the match.

try The Guy at asktheguy.app. paste your conversation, get the version that actually works.

video transcript

Every text you send on the apps has an invisible agenda attached to it. She can feel this energy, and it's why she pulls away. Guys, let me explain to you. Women have a sixth sense when it comes to dating, and if you were on the apps in her shoes getting 50-plus new matches per day, all of whom every guy wants her number, wants to take her out on a date, and ultimately wants to hook up with her, you would have the same exact filter, too.

And th- this is what is actually sabotaging your messages on the dating apps. It's why you're not getting the results you're after. It's why you're getting ghosted, and it's why the conversations are fizzling out. Because you're always angling for something, and she can feel this energy. It's like when you go into a car dealership and all the salespeople are overly friendly, overly interested in you.

You know it's because they don't actually care. It's because they just wanna sell you something. This is the type of energy she's feeling. Now, what you have to understand, guys, is that the key energy you wanna have on the apps or in person when you're going out, meeting women in your day-to-day, you just wanna have the energy of you're happy to be here, you have no agenda, and you're just looking to have a good time.

It's like when you go out to the bars with the intention of meeting women versus going out to a bar 'cause you wanted to check out the, the menu, a new part of the city, the decor, whatever it was. When you just wanna have a good time, you're gonna see your results totally skyrocket. And guys, I had to make this exact mindset shift myself.

I am not preaching to you like a guru. Far from it. I am preaching to you like someone who was in your exact shoes, and it wasn't until I really took home all the points I'm making in all these videos here... And by the way, if you're new here, go back and watch all the videos from the start because this is the entire philosophy behind The Guy app, which is helping men text like the catch they are and just get out of their own way.

Link in the description. So all these videos I'm putting out are outlining the philosophy behind The Guy app because I'm gonna show you some examples before and after of what you're probably sending right now versus what you should be sending if you really wanna get the results you're after. But ultimately, on the app, yes, while you can pick it up over time, the app is very tactical, where I'm explaining the high-level philosophy and strategy.

This is very important, guys. We were going to, um, sell this course for $2,000 one-time payment, but we decided it was too important to gatekeep. We needed to put it out on the internet for free. So let me give you some examples here. So say the conversation's going well. No, let me give you a better example.

So let's say you get the dreaded question. We've all been there. You get the dreaded question of, "So what exactly are you looking for here on this app?" Now, what I recommend you do is download The Guy app. You don't even need to download it. It's a web app right now. Check it out in the description. So you paste in a screenshot, and then the guy will say something like...

Well, first of all, you would probably say something right now like, "Honestly, I'm open to whatever, but ideally someone I really connect with. Maybe something serious if it feels right." So that's a very wishy-washy answer. You're trying to cover all your bases, offend no one, while ultimately saying nothing of, of substance.

Now, if you were to upload that message to the guy, the guy would come back with this. I did this literally this morning right before this. "Classic screening question. She's not asking your life goals. She's checking if you're gonna be normal and heavy or just fun. The trap is answering earnestly, 'Just seeing what's out there, open to something real,' which is the most boring sentence on Earth," like I just said.

What you wanna do is dodge the question entirely and accuse her of interrogating you. That's how you make things fun and flirtatious, gentlemen. So typically it'll ask you, what are you thinking of replying? Because this, as you're s- starting to hopefully see, this is not some pickup line generator. No.

Rather, what this is doing is giving you an analysis of the situation and coaching you through it. The reason why we made this, guys, is 'cause we also discovered along the way, as we fell ass-backward into this entire business idea, which we were very reluctant to pursue. But we ultimately discovered in our market research, if you will, that women have an entire group chat where they're regularly pasting in these exact screenshots and getting feedback from their girlfriends, all of whom have way better text game than you.

No offense. They have better text game than me as well. And because of this, they're able to get several opinions and crowdsource the best answer. But we realized that guys don't have that, and so that's why we created The Guy. It's the group chat in your pocket, essentially. So The Guy will ask you what you're thinking of replying, but let's just stri- uh, like, let's just skip right to the answers here.

It says, "Here are three responses it gives you." Three options, and then you pick one. "Straight to the hard questions, huh? I feel like I'm being deposed. Should I have a lawyer present?" Or you could say, "That's a lot of pressure for someone who just got here. I haven't even sat down." Or, "Depends. Are you vetting me for something?

Who are you? Who sent you?" And then it recommends, "I'd go with number one. It ducks the boring, sincere answer and frames her as the one applying pressure so she has to lighten up and chase. Don't actually answer what you're looking for. That's a date conversation, not a text one." Exactly. You should answer that genuinely in person on a date where there's a lot more nuance that can be exchanged, not over text message.

99% of the time you're gonna shoot yourself in the foot if you try to answer that directly. So hopefully you can get it. Now say the conversation's going well. You pass by that landmine. The conversation's going well. Five messages, five messages later, excuse me, she says, "We should hang out sometime. Maybe grab drinks this weekend?"

Smiley face. Now you right now would probably say something like, "Yeah, definitely!" Exclamation point. "When are you free? I know a great spot downtown." Now, before you send that, if you were just to go with her initial message and paste that into The Guy, he would say, "She basically already closed it. Your only job is to get off the app without becoming a guy who owns a calendar.

Drop the number from inside the bed and act like she's cornering you." That's another thing, guys. You always drop the number. Don't ask her for her number. She's got 50 other guys in her inbox who will be asking for her number. So it recommends saying, "You're moving fast, and I don't know the rules. I've never made it this far.

Insert number. Someone has to drive, and it can't be me." Or you could say, "Drinks this week??", double exclamation points or a question mark. Excuse me. We never use exclamation points, gentlemen. "I didn't agree to anything. You're scheduling me like I have a choice." Number. Or, "I don't know how many ... I don't know how my own week works.

My mom usually handles this for me. You figure it out and tell me where to stand." Number. Now, I would go with number one, as the guy recommends. Hands her the wheel, drops a number, and keeps you, most importantly, as the one being hunted and pursued, and lets her chase. And that's the guy ... That's the paradox, guys, that you have to realize, is that when you stop trying to pursue them, paradoxically, when you stop trying to create sexual tension, when you stop trying to lead the entire interaction to a place you want to go, that is what's going to allow her actually to chase you.

And ultimately, that's what she wants to do. She wants a guy that she wants to go after. She doesn't want to be the one being pursued. That's boring to her. She's had that her entire life. She wants a bit of a challenge. Because the one guy who is not constantly trying to make a move on her is the guy she's gonna be the most interested because she can't help but think, "Why is he not doing that?"

So yeah, guys, hopefully, hopefully this has all made sense to you. If you want help with the text game, check out The Guy app, link in the description. Best analogy, best analogy I could give you is, like, when you are watching that Seinfeld show, um, the episode The Opposite. What you guys need to start doing is the opposite.

'Cause all of the traits you have that have made you successful in your career, whether it's your career, your finances, your fitness, your hobbies, your friends, your social life, all of those hobbies, the conscientiousness, the responsibility, all of that is what is sabotaging you on the dating apps. It's the signal inversion theory.

So just be like George, like in the episode where he finally stops trying, and rather, he just does the opposite of his initial instinct of approaching the beautiful woman and saying, "I'm unemployed and I live with my parents," and all of a sudden she's super into it. That's the type of energy that the guy brings to every interaction.

All right, guys. If you have any questions, drop a comment and I'll get back to you. Otherwise, I'll see you on Monday for another five videos next week. Talk to you later. Bye.