The Guy
this one simple change gets you 10x more numbers on the apps
tldr: The mistake is not the opener. It's the close. Guys build attraction with a fun, absurd conversation and then pivot into interview mode to ask for the number, which kills everything. The fix is to stay in character and let her chase you off the app.
you nailed the opener. that's the problem.
the conversation is flying. you said something absurd, she took the bait, she's asking you questions now, she's laughing. she typed "you're actually insane" and you felt it. the little dopamine hit. you did it.
and this is the exact moment you're about to throw it all away.
not by being weird. not by going too far. by getting scared and reaching for your clipboard.
why does the conversation die right when it's going well?
because you treat momentum like a deadline.
things are good, so your brain says "close it before it goes bad." you panic. you stop being the guy she was into and become the guy filling out a form. this is the same instinct that ruins guys who are otherwise winning at life. my co-founder and I watched doctors, neurosurgeons, finance guys, all of them successful and completely invisible on the apps. the traits that made them great at work are the exact traits that sabotage them on dating apps.
they're efficient. they close deals. so they close the conversation like a deal. "great chatting, let's get the number, let's lock in a time."
she felt something. then she felt nothing. you did that.
what does the bad pivot actually look like?
here's the moment. you've gone back and forth about six messages. she sends "lmao you're actually insane." now watch a smart guy fumble it.
her: lmao you're actually insane
him: haha thanks! so what are you doing this weekend? maybe we could grab drinks sometime?
read that again. the "haha thanks." the sudden politeness. the calendar question. the "maybe."
you were the most interesting guy in her inbox for six messages. one text later you're the 40th guy asking about her weekend. you built a character and then broke it on purpose. she watched the mask come off and behind it was every other guy she's already ghosted.
this is interview energy. it's the LinkedIn DM version of asking someone out. and it's the same reason texting her on Hinge like it's a job application fails every time.
so how do you actually close?
you don't close. you stay in character and make her close for you.
her: lmao you're actually insane
him: i can't do this on here. my mom knows my login.
[number]
that's it.
no "haha thanks." no weekend question. no shift in tone. you're still the same absurd guy she's been laughing at for six messages. the number just falls out of the bit. she reads it and laughs again, and then she texts you. within minutes.
when she says "i can't with you," that's not rejection. that's her performing overwhelm while leaning in harder. that's the perfect window. and the number becomes your escape route from a conversation that got too good, not your move.
that framing is everything. you're not asking permission. you're fleeing the scene. "you're gonna get me banned from this app, here's my number." "i need legal counsel before this goes any further, [number]." same energy. you're the one who can't handle it, and that's what makes her want to keep going.
this whole thing runs on Signal Inversion Theory, the idea that the confident, polished move is the low-value signal and the slightly unhinged, unbothered move reads as high value. the guy who asks for the number cleanly is trying. the guy who says his mom monitors his login is not trying at all. one of those is attractive. it's not the one you think.
why shouldn't i just ask for her number?
there's nothing wrong with asking for the number. it's just that every single guy does it. she knows the flow. match, banter, "can i get your number," date. she's run it a hundred times. it's boring for her and it puts you in the exact same box as everyone else.
flip it. let her text you first.
when she's the one who sends the first text off the app, the dynamic is hers to lose, not yours. she's already invested. she chased. that's a completely different starting position than you sliding into her messages hoping she remembers who you are. this is the same principle behind why the guy with no plan gets the girl. you're not managing the interaction. you're letting it happen to her.
and it's more fun for her this way. she gets to feel like she made the move. she gets the little rush of hitting send first. you gave her that by not grabbing for control at the finish line.
how many messages should the whole thing take?
here's the rule of thumb. five to six messages each. ten to twelve total. then you're off the app.
that's the entire game. open in a way that flips the dynamic, keep the bit alive, and exit before the conversation goes stale. the whole point of The Guy App is getting men from app to date in twelve messages or less. not becoming pen pals. not being the funniest guy on Hinge who somehow never goes on a date.
because that guy exists. he's hilarious. he's got three matches deep in conversation right now. none of them will ever meet him. he took the bit too far, he never left the app, and eventually the energy died and she moved on to a guy who was boring but at least asked her to get a drink.
being funny is not the finish line. it's the setup. the close is where guys who are great at everything else fall apart, and it's the one part nobody teaches. everyone's obsessed with the perfect opener. almost nobody talks about the exit.
why is staying in character so hard?
because your instinct is screaming at you to be normal.
you got the attraction, and normalcy feels like the safe way to cash it in. but normal is the thing that's killing you. the moment you drop the character to "be real," you tell her the fun guy was a costume. she liked the costume. she was texting the costume.
staying in the bit through the close is counterintuitive, which is exactly why it works. it's the same reason failing her test on purpose beats passing it. the expected move is low value. the unexpected one is high value. every time.
when I built this with my co-founder, we didn't fully understand why it worked either. we just kept watching it work. guys who couldn't buy a match were suddenly getting numbers, and the through-line was always the same. they stopped trying to close and started letting her close.
so the one simple change: don't ask for the number. make getting it feel like her rescuing you from a conversation that got out of hand. stay the guy she matched with all the way through. the polished pivot is the tell. the guy who "can't do this on here, my mom knows my login" is the one who gets the text back.
try The Guy at asktheguy.app. paste your conversation, get the version that actually works.
video transcript
You know that moment when the conversation is going perfectly, you opened effectively, she's laughing at everything you said? That's actually the most dangerous part of the entire interaction on the dating apps. That's when most guys blow it, not by going or being weird, but by taking the bit too far and never closing, getting the number and getting off the app and actually setting up a date.
So in this video, I want to explain to you once you've effectively opened, which if you need help with, go back on this channel. The most recent video was all about how to open effectively on the apps. Long story short, you don't want to interview her. Don't show up to the opening message with your clipboard to get some resume-like info.
You wanna open with an interesting, provocative, absurd statement that is ultimately going to get her attention and have her asking you questions. That's how you're gonna flip the dynamic. But here's what you have to understand, is that once you've done that, you could be the funniest guy on Hinge and literally never go out on a date.
The guys who get good at the online dating game, after you've already optimized your profile and you've already built a successful life, the only way you're gonna get good at this is if you effectively open, which if you need help with, definitely check out The Guy app, link in the description. It's helping men text like the catch they are, and most importantly, helping them go from app to date in 12 messages or less, which is the entire point of today's video.
But if you need help, once you've effectively opened, then you need to close, okay? And the way you do that, we're gonna talk about how to do that in a second here, but the way you do that and how I'm gonna break it down is going to be much different than every single other influencer or content creator, as you've been told.
So first of all, you've said something provocative. She's, she's asked you questions. She's laughing. She's saying you're... She's like, "Oh my goodness, you're actually insane," blah, blah, blah, or something like that, or like, "My therapist is not gonna be a fan of you." Something like that, right? She's buying into the bit.
That's where most guys lose it, 'cause they continue on with the bit and they never ask her out. Now, you will know when the energy has died when she says something like, "LMAO," or, "I'm dead," or something like that. Like when there's... When, when essentially that she's... There's a endpoint, and at that point, most guys would panic.
Most guys would pivot into nice guy interview mode, but the way you actually close is that you continue the bit. Let me show you. So for example, she says... You've been going back and forth for about six messages, give or take. She says, "LMAO, you're actually insane." Now a bad pivot would be something like this.
It'd be saying something like, "Ha ha, thanks. So what are you doing this weekend? Maybe we could grab drinks sometimes." You've basically just shattered the illusion by doing that right there, because you came out as this funny, interesting guy, right? You were texting in such a funny way, and then you just pivoted back into nice guy interview mode essentially.
You started out as the most interesting guy on the app, and then you just became like everyone else, okay? And that's why you guys cannot freestyle once you start using The Guy, not at first at least. You know, you have to watch these videos, 'cause you could use The Guy app and start killing it on the apps, but you'll never understand why it's actually working unless you take the time to watch these videos, go through what is essentially an entire online texting course, and actually understand the philosophy behind why it works.
And honestly, even then you might not understand why it works. Me and my co-founder, as we developed the app, we literally didn't even understand how it was so crazy effective, okay? It was better than we expected, and that is why ultimately we started the business right here, okay? Because we knew there was just too much opportunity to help you guys out.
So she says bad... So a bad pivot again is, "Ha ha, thanks. So what are you doing this weekend? Maybe we could grab drinks sometimes." Again, interview energy, right? It's not gonna work. Now, what you should say, if you were to send that message into The Guy, if you were to give the guy that screenshot in that moment, The Guy app would tell you, "She's all the way in.
I can't with you is her performing overwhelm while leaning in harder. Perfect window. The number is his escape route, not his move." So The Guy app would then suggest one of three messages. Number one, "You're gonna get me banned from this app," insert number. Number two, "I can't do this on here. My mom knows my login," drop the number.
Three, "I need legal counsel before this goes any further," number. So you get the idea, and it says, "I'd go with two," which is the mom one. Most helpless reason to flee a dating app, and it keeps you as the kid who can't even have a private conversation without parental oversight. She'll text you within minutes.
And guys, I can absolutely substantiate that. You don't wanna ask her number. Not that there's anything inherently wrong about it. It's just the fact that every other guy is gonna be doing it. She's so used to that flow. It's much better. It's much more fun for her, quite honestly, if she's the one texting you first, okay?
So keep that in mind. And really guys, at the end of the day, if there's one key takeaway, a rule of thumb, you don't wanna have more than five to six messages each or 10 to 12 messages in total for the entire interaction before you move off to the, to ultimately texting on the cell phone rather than the dating app, okay?
So hopefully that makes sense to you. If this video resonated with you, if you've been, if you're successful in every other area of your life, you have a good social life, you have fun hobbies, you're successful in your career, you're in good shape, maybe you're even well-dressed, but still for somehow you can't crack the online dating game, which believe it or not, we know, my co-founder and I, as we developed this app, there were so many guys, we're talking doctors, neurosurgeons, accountants, um, finance bros even, who were so successful in their regular everyday life, but on the dating apps they were practically invisible.
It's 'cause all those traits that made them successful in their real life are what sabotaged them on the app. So if you need help with the text game, you can literally fix your text game overnight. The way you do that is by checking out The Guy app. Link in the description, free trial, you don't even need to sign up for an account.
No matter if you're opening on the apps, you have a conversation that you don't know what's going on and you can get an analysis with The Guy app and get three lines to move forward. That's it for me in this one, guys. Like the video, subscribe. Five videos a week, Monday through Friday. Any questions, drop a comment, I'll get back to you.
See you later. Bye.