The Guy
why texting like an idiot toddler is unbelievably attractive
tldr: Texting like an idiot toddler works because zero calculation reads as confidence, while polished, strategic texts read as someone hiding a red flag. On dating apps the guy who acts like she's the scary one and he's just here to entertain himself beats the guy running a job-interview script every time.
you are too smart for the dating apps. that is the actual problem.
not your photos. not your height. not your job. your intelligence. you take the same brain that makes you good at your job and you point it at a text thread with a woman, and it ruins everything.
i know how this sounds. a year and a half ago if you told me the sexiest thing i could be on a dating app was an idiot toddler i would have closed the tab too. it goes against everything you were ever taught about approaching women. but i have run the experiment on myself, and it is not close.
why does texting smart backfire on dating apps?
you clock out of work at 5pm and you open Hinge still in LinkedIn mode. you never left. you are treating her inbox like a job interview. a puzzle to solve. a deal to close. strategic opener, calculated line, smooth transition to the date.
you think this reads as confidence. as leading. as masculinity.
it reads as manipulation. it reads as a guy managing a situation because he is scared of it. she cannot always tell you why, but she feels it. the whole thread has the texture of a cover letter, and no one has ever gotten wet reading a cover letter.
worse, you are not even standing out. every guy in her inbox is running the same polite, careful, competent script. you think you are the confident one leading the conversation. you are the fortieth guy today leading the conversation the exact same way. this is the same reason the more impressive you are, the worse you do. the polish is the tell.
this is what Signal Inversion Theory is built on. the move that feels safe and impressive is the one that kills the thread. the move that feels stupid is the one that works. your instincts are not neutral. they are pointed backwards.
what does texting like an idiot toddler actually mean?
it means you text like she is the scary one. like you have no agenda. like you are just here entertaining yourself and she happened to be in the room.
when you say something dumb, ridiculous, absurd, you are broadcasting something an insecure guy physically cannot fake. the insecure guy is too afraid to say the stupid thing. he has to stay polished because the polish is the armor. a guy who will say the absurd joke either genuinely does not care or is completely comfortable in his own skin. both of those are unbelievably attractive, and she cannot tell which one you are, and it does not matter.
here is what it looks like. she asks the most common question on the apps.
her: what do you like to do for fun?
smart guy: i'm really into hiking, just did a 14er last month. also trying to master italian cooking in my free time.
idiot toddler: i collect restraining orders. not on purpose. i just have bad luck with neighbors.
look at what the smart answer does. it is a resume. it is boring. it is logical. it hands her three facts and zero reasons to respond beyond "cool." and if he mentioned a specific trail, he just became the fortieth guy who also loves hiking. this is the same trap as referencing her bio: it feels like effort, it lands as filler.
the toddler line is an open loop. it is so ridiculous she has to respond. it is funny. she needs more information. she is not evaluating him for a job anymore. she is playing.
what's the difference between flirting and interviewing over text?
women are just better at flirting. men default to logical interview mode and call it confidence. here is the gap in one exchange.
her: you're funny
strategic guy: haha thanks! i try. what about you, what makes you laugh?
idiot toddler: please don't tell anyone. i have a reputation to protect and it's not a funny one.
the strategic guy said thanks and immediately handed her the conversational labor with an interview question. he is filling out a form. the toddler is still playing. no agenda. he is not fishing for anything. he just kept the game going, and the game is the entire point.
one more. she sends a gym mirror selfie and she looks incredible.
her: [gym mirror selfie]
calculated guy: wow looking good! what's your workout routine like?
idiot toddler: i pulled a muscle getting out of bed this morning so i'm gonna need you to stop showing off
are you going to ask her about her macros next. the workout question is the same LinkedIn reflex wearing gym clothes. the toddler line does three things at once. it compliments her. it makes a self-deprecating joke. then it tells her to stop. and when you tell her to stop, she does it more. every time. that is not a trick, that is just how tension works.
why does looking perfect read as a red flag?
this is the part that breaks people's brains. you assume that if you present as flawless, she thinks "wow, this guy is perfect."
she does not. she thinks "wow, this guy is presenting himself as perfect. where is the thing he is hiding?"
the polished, manicured, no-flaws product on a dating app does not read as a catch. it reads as a man hiding something, because everyone hiding something leads with polish. remember Patrick Bateman in American Psycho. tailored suits, Wall Street, six-pack, incredible apartment, perfect on paper. also a serial killer. that is the unconscious math she is running when you show up flawless.
the idiot toddler has the opposite problem, which is no problem at all. he is a little afraid of her. he is keeping her at arm's length. he is clearly persuadable but not chasing. she can see exactly what she is dealing with. visible flaws are trust. no visible flaws is a warning. this is the whole reason acting terrified of women is attractive, and it is the same logic behind The Virgin Factor: the guy with no smooth moves is the one she believes.
how do i actually start texting like this?
honestly, at first, you might not be able to. i couldn't. the only way i sent these texts early on was when my co-founder physically stole my phone, locked himself in a room, and sent it for me. i was horrified. then the responses started coming in. that was the whole conversion.
the zero calculation is not a bug in the strategy. the zero calculation IS the strategy. the second you start calculating, she feels the calculation, and the spell is gone. you are not trying to be smooth. you are trying to have fun in a thread that is not a performance.
the way the dating influencers told you to text, the way i used to text, gets you polite careful responses and then a slow fade. it does not get you the date. it feels productive because it feels safe, but playing it safe is exactly what's sabotaging you.
stop treating her like a candidate. stop treating the date like a close. text like she is the scary one and you are just messing around. that is when everything changes. it did for me, and it was a complete accident when it happened.
try The Guy at asktheguy.app. paste your conversation, get the version that actually works.
video transcript
Why texting like an idiot toddler is the sexiest possible archetype you could possibly be on the dating apps. Guys, a big problem you have is that you're too smart for the dating apps, believe it or not, and this intelligence is sabotaging you every single step of the way. The thing is, is that so many of you guys are in what I would call LinkedIn mode when it comes to sending your text messages.
You're treating it like a job interview, like a puzzle to be solved. But what you have to understand is that the most attractive thing, like I just said, you could possibly be on the apps is an idiot virgin toddler. Let me explain 'cause I'm sure most of you are just about to click away and turn off the video right now because it's the most ridiculous thing you've ever heard, and I totally understand.
Quite honestly, if you had told me this a year and a half ago, I would've told you the same thing because it goes against all conventional wisdom that you were taught about how to approach women, not just in person, but most especially on the dating apps. But what you need to understand is that, first of all, the way you think you're texting now with the strategic openers, the calculated lines, the, uh, the smooth transitions to a date, you think it reads as confidence, as masculinity, as leading a situation, but in fact what it reads as, as manipulation, as trying to control the situation, as trying to appear like you're compensating for something, right?
And women can pick up on this a, from a mile away, even if she can't tell exactly why. It's just the feeling that these messages give off. And also, keep in mind, for every... If you think you're standing out 'cause you're confident to lead the conversation this way, there's so many other guys who are texting the same way.
What you have to understand, and I'm gonna show you some before and after examples in a second here so you'll get the picture. What you have to understand is that when you text like an idiot virgin toddler, I know it's ridiculous, bear with me, but when you text like that, like she's the scary one and you're just here trying to entertain yourself with no agenda, that's actually the sexiest thing you could possibly be.
Because when you say something dumb, quote unquote, or stupid or ridiculous, while an insecure guy masquerading confidence is going to be too afraid to do that. But someone who's not afraid to say a dumb, absurd, um, ridiculous joke is someone who either genuinely doesn't care or is supremely confident in himself.
Regardless, both of those are extremely attractive. So let's get into examples, and guys, if you want to see for yourself the difference, just check out the guy, link in the description, and get an analysis on your text game, free trial, and you'll see for yourself the difference. And I get if you're hesitant because before I started doing this myself, literally the only way I ever sent these text messages as a virgin toddler, quote-unquote, is when my co-founder would literally steal my phone, run away, lock himself in a room, and then send it for me.
I was horrified, and then eventually I started actually getting responses. So let me give you some before and after examples here Um, so say she says, "What do you like to do for fun?" Typical. A smart guy, you right now at the moment, would probably say something like, "I'm really into hiking. I just did a 14er last month, actually.
And I'm also trying to master Italian food in my free time. Starting to get into cooking." Okay. Typical, kind of boring, very logical. Um, almost like you're writing up a resume, cover letter. The idiot toddler would say something like, "I collect restraining orders. Not on purpose. I just have bad luck with the neighbors."
So, think about right there- right there. I mean, it just is an open loop that she's going to have to respond to 'cause it's so ridiculous, it's funny, it's absurd, and she needs more info. Let me give you another example. She says, "You're funny," after you crack a joke. The ... Let's see. The strategic guy says, "Ha ha.
Thanks!" Exclamation point. "I try. So what about you? What makes you laugh?" Again, just boring interview-like questions. The toddler would say, "Please don't tell anyone. I have a reputation to protect, and it's not a funny one." So just you can see how the toddler has no agenda, is just playing. And guys, what this really reads over text, it's not manipulation, it's not faking something you're not.
It's just how you flirt over text. And I think women are much better at just flirting in general, whereas men are in this boring, logical interview mode. Again, you guys are logging off of work at 5:00 PM, going on the dating apps and still in LinkedIn mode. That's your problem. All right, last example. She sends you a mirror selfie of her at the gym, and she's looking fantastic.
Calculated guy would say, "Wow, looking good!" Exclamation point. "What's your workout routine like?" I mean, can you see the theme here, guys, of just boring, logical, interview-like questions? Like, are you gonna ask her about her macros next? A idiot toddler would say, "I pulled a muscle getting out of bed this morning, so I'm going to need you to stop showing off."
So do you see how he's, like, still complimenting her, making a self-deprecating joke, but in a funny way, and then telling her to stop? And guess what, guys? When you tell her to stop, she's only gonna do it more. That's the big thing you guys need to realize. So guys, to wrap up here, what you need to understand is that the zero calculation is the point.
Because when you present yourself as being perfectly manicured, a perfect, polished product on the dating apps, it's not like she's going to think, "Wow, this guy's perfect." What she's going to think is, "Wow, this guy is presenting himself as perfect. What's the red flag?" But when you act like an idiot virgin toddler who's just trying to have fun, who's borderline afraid of women, who is trying to keep her at an arm's length but can be persuaded to meet up, when you act like that- She can see the red flags and she knows what she's dealing with.
Remember the dude from American Psycho. I can't remember his name right now. It's very early in the morning, but Jason Bateman, Patrick Bateman, David Bateman. I don't know. But the dude from American Psycho played by Christian Bale was a perfect catch on paper, perfectly tailored suits, works on Wall Street, six pack abs, amazing apartment, but he was a serial killer.
So that's what women are going to assume if you act too perfect. So yeah, guys, hopefully this has been helpful for you. What you have to understand at the end of the day is that you just got to treat it like you're having fun, like you're having a game. When you act like an idiot virgin toddler, that is when you're going to be at your most effective on the dates.
And it's just going to be completely different than everything else. Now, believe me, this was an accidental discovery. But trust me, when you start acting like this, most importantly, when you start texting like this on the dating apps, it's going to, you're just going to see a total sea change like I have myself ever since I started texting it.
Because I was the guy texting the way all the dating influencers have told you to text. And ultimately, all it's going to do is get you ghosted. It gets you polite, careful responses, but it's not going to lead to the end result that you really want. If you're skeptical, which I totally understand, if you're skeptical, check out the guy.
Free trial. Link in the description. You don't even need to send a text. Just paste in a screenshot of a message thread, get an analysis of where you're going wrong, and then get three handpicked lines to move forward. All right, guys, that's it for me in this one. Subscribe to the channel. Five videos per week.
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