The Guy
why red pill and blue pill both fail on dating apps
tldr: Red pill checks out and blames women. Blue pill puts her on a pedestal and lands in the friend zone. Both fail because both treat matching like a job interview you still have to win. The Guy is the third way: high value guy, disaster texting, total mystery.
you match with a girl. she swiped right. the deal is basically done. and then you open the chat and start texting like you're still trying to close her.
that's the mistake. and there are two flavors of it.
flavor one: you go soft. super nice, super friendly, agreeable to a fault. you put her on a pedestal before she's said three words. flavor two: you go bitter. you decide dating's rigged, women are the problem, and you check out entirely.
blue pill. red pill. two exits off the same highway, and both dead-end.
what's actually wrong with red pill and blue pill?
blue pill is the nice guy. he thinks kindness is a strategy. he agrees with everything, compliments constantly, and treats every match like she's doing him a favor by responding. it feels safe. it produces zero attraction. i've written about why nice guys get ghosted, and the short version is that nothing kills a spark faster than a guy performing niceness to earn approval. she can smell the audition.
red pill is the guy who got tired of losing and decided the game was broken. dating's dead. all women are the same. he's not wrong that something feels off. he's just aimed the diagnosis at the entire opposite sex instead of at his own inbox. it's the emotional equivalent of quitting a job because you kept bombing the interviews.
both fail for the exact same reason. both are reacting to the same wound. neither one questions the actual thing that's costing them dates: how they text.
The Guy is the third way. not red pill, not blue pill. call it the green pill if you need a color. it's its own philosophy, and it only makes sense once you understand what's really happening when a successful man opens a dating app.
why do successful men do worse on the apps?
here's the pattern i kept seeing, and it's the reason i built the app.
neurosurgeons getting ghosted. finance guys with six figures and zero traction. men who are objectively catches in person, texting themselves into oblivion. meanwhile the hipster skater doofus with no career and questionable grooming is cleaning up.
why?
because everything that made you successful in your career is sabotaging you in the chat. the conscientiousness. the drive. the instinct to lead with the resume. that's Signal Inversion Theory: the exact traits that win everywhere else become liabilities over text.
one guy texts like he's high value but isn't in person. the other texts like the lowest value version of himself but is a total catch in real life. the digital medium distorts the signal completely. the man who reads as confident on Hinge is often the one bombing. the man who reads as a disaster is the one getting dates.
you're not losing because you're not impressive enough. you're losing because you keep proving it. i covered the full mechanism in the more impressive you are, the worse you do on dating apps, and it stings because it's the opposite of everything that got you your career.
what does "high value plus bum behavior equals mystery" mean?
this is the whole thing. one equation.
high value plus bum behavior equals mystery.
you're a high value dude. you dress well, your finances are locked in, you have a life. good. now text like a train wreck. text like you don't care. text like you're not afraid to make an absurd, ridiculous joke.
here's the part your career brain refuses to accept: only a guy who has everything else handled would dare send something that ridiculous. the confidence to look dumb over text is itself the signal. it says you're not trying to win her, because you don't need to. she already swiped right.
when you text like a disaster, she can't figure you out. and she can't stop thinking about the thing she can't figure out. that's mystery. that's the whole game.
what does this look like in an actual text?
she asks what you do for work. every guy on earth answers this the same way. here's you right now, and here's the version that works.
HER: so what do you do for work?
YOU (before): I'm a software engineer. Been doing it about six years now. Pays the bills haha. What about you?
YOU (after): i sit at a computer and move things until a man says good and then i go home
sit with the difference for a second.
the first one is a LinkedIn profile with a laugh track. "pays the bills haha" plus the reciprocal "what about you" makes you sound like every other guy filling out the same form. she didn't ask to interview you. she was poking to see if you're fun. you handed her a resume. this is the same reflex that makes guys text on Hinge like it's LinkedIn and wonder why the chat dies.
the second one is flat, confused, and makes software engineer sound like a hostage situation instead of a flex. she asked a normal question. you answered with mild confusion that you're even employed. you didn't deflect cleverly. you were just a disaster about it. and that's the point.
a few other directions that all work:
- they keep paying me and i keep showing up and nobody's stopped it yet
- honestly not sure. i press buttons and money appears and i've decided not to ask questions
none of these hide that you have a good job. she'll figure it out. what they hide is the effort. you're weaponizing incompetence. you're demonstrating you have no agenda, you're not selling, you're just here to see what happens.
and watch what it does to the dynamic. suddenly she's the one asking questions. she's the one poking. the script flips and she's pursuing you, which is exactly where you want to be. that comfort with looking a little dumb is the core of texting like a virgin: zero agenda, zero closing energy, all curiosity.
why does texting like an idiot beat texting like a jerk?
because red pill's instinct, once he decides to re-engage, is to go the other way. get cold. get sharp. treat her with contempt and call it confidence.
that doesn't work either. contempt is still effort. it's still a performance, just a mean one, and she can feel the resentment underneath it. the disaster text has no venom in it. it's warm. it's playful. it's a guy having fun. that gap is everything, and it's why texting like an idiot beats texting like a jerk every single time.
the green pill isn't nice and isn't cruel. it's unbothered. it's a man who's genuinely not keeping score.
how do i actually change this?
don't believe me. that's the honest answer. i can already hear the objection that this will blow up your matches. so don't take my word for it. check it yourself.
i was the guy this happened to. i was out cold approaching, meeting women in person, positive interactions 70 to 80 percent of the time. then i'd get her number and shoot myself in the foot over text. it got so bad i'd assume she wasn't going to respond before i even sent anything. great in person, catastrophic in the chat. classic signal inversion.
now it's the opposite. same interaction, but i go into the chat knowing she's going to respond, because i'm about to send something ridiculous.
that's the shift. texting isn't where you get to know someone's deepest fears and what keeps them up at night. you do that in person. texting is for chaos. throw a grenade into the chat and see what happens. the only job of the text game is to get her to the in-person date, and you get there by being fun, not by being impressive. i broke this down further in the best guys have the worst text game, because the men who need this most are usually the ones most convinced they're doing it right.
stop selling to a customer who already decided to buy. she matched. the pitch is over. now be a disaster.
try The Guy at asktheguy.app. paste your conversation, get the version that actually works.
video transcript
You lead with the job, the career, the finances, the degree, the gym because that's what works everywhere else. But on the apps, it sabotages you. It's the reason why you can't have success the way you do in every other area of your life. Why is that? Well, quite simply, gentlemen, you're selling yourself to a customer who already decided to buy what you have to offer.
She matched with you. She already swiped right. But then you text like you're still auditioning for a job. You text like you're applying and handing in your resume, and nothing could be less high value, quote-unquote, than that behavior over text. And it's the difference. This is what is sabotaging you because she sees that you're successful in every other area of your life.
She can tell by your profile. Or if you met her in person, which I do recommend, she can tell that, you know, you're a good guy with a good head on his shoulders. But then over text, I mean, y- you're just, you're just sabotaging yourself. There's no other way to say it. And so I wanna talk about why that is in this video and how, with The Guy app, you can slowly rework your entire texting philosophy to change this for the better But first we need to talk about a couple key instincts.
And guys, if you're new here for the first time, subscribe to the channel and go back and watch these videos because we are breaking down what we call the signal inversion theory. The hypothesis, if you will, that everything that has made you successful in your career, all the conscientiousness, the hard work, the motivation, the drive, the ambition, all of these traits, while they work in literally every other area of your life, it's what sabotages you on the dating apps.
It's why the neurosurgeons are getting ghosted and why the hipster skater doofus is cleaning up on the apps. Because one guy texts like he's high value, but isn't in person. And then the other guy texts like the most low value version of himself, yet in real life, he's a total catch. It is the digital medium that completely distorts the signal.
And if you're watching this video, you're probably resonating with this message and you've probably seen it yourself. And one of the main reasons why we wanted to start The Guy app was because we were seeing successful, attractive men fall down this rabbit hole where they were successful in every other area of their life, yet they couldn't have success on the online dating landscape to save their life, which, you know, for all intents and purposes, unless you're gonna be going out and cold approaching like yours truly, the online dating landscape is the dating landscape in America in 2026, right?
So, and I don't see that changing anytime soon, for better or for worse. So what we saw happening was that we saw guys, because of their lack of success in this one area, dating, going in two different directions that are just gonna lead to a total dead end. They were either gonna go totally blue pill, be super nice, super friendly, put her on a pedestal, which is a one-way ticket to the friend zone.
No sexual attraction, no spark can be developed from there and is ultimately just gonna end up leading them to be a resentful nice guy who's not very nice as we've covered in this channel. Or they were gonna go totally red pill, sexist, say dating's broken, check out of the dating market, think that all women are just, you know, insert horrible adjective, if you will.
But the guy is totally different. The guy is the green pill. The guy is the third way. It's not red pill, it's not blue pill, it's its own unique philosophy, but that can only be discovered, if you will, once you understand the signal inversion theory. So I wanna give you a couple examples right now, 'cause this'll really illustrate what I'm talking about.
But first, you must understand this one very important equation, which is that high value plus bum behavior equals mystery. Now, let me say this again, because this puts the Fibonacci sequence, this puts Einstein and his E equals MC squared to shame, because this is quite honestly a more important discovery for mankind, which we fell totally ass backwards into as we developed The Guy app.
High value plus bum behavior equals mystery. And what that means, gentlemen, is if you are a high value dude, you dress well, you have a good social life, your finances are locked in, but You text like you're a total train wreck, a total disaster, which I'll show you some examples for in a second. You will see your success skyrocket because then she can't figure you out.
And what you have to understand, I can already hear the objections in the comments about how that's not gonna work, that's gonna sabotage yourself. Now, number one, don't, don't even believe me. Che- believe yourself. Check it out for yourself. Check out the guy, link in description. Next time you have a match, run it by what you were gonna say, get an analysis of why that won't work, and then get three custom tailored recommendations from the guy.
Pick one, send it, and you'll see for yourself how this works in real life. But guys, what you have to understand is that when you text like a disaster, when you text like you don't care, when you are not afraid to make an absurd, ridiculous joke, that is high value behavior over the text medium. Because only a guy who's truly confident in himself would ever dare to say something so ridiculous over text.
Only a guy who has got every other area of his life locked down would ever say something so ridiculous. And at the other end of the spectrum, it just comes across as a guy who knows how to flirt over text, who's funny, who's not taking it too seriously, and this is all very attractive on the dating apps.
That's what you have to understand. Now, let me give you an example, 'cause I'm not a big fan of theory. I, I wanna just... I want you guys to see this in practice. So before and after. So right now, you're probably sending something like, you know, she asks, "What do you do for work?" Boring question I would never ask a woman, or really, I don't really ask anyone, quite frankly, what they do for work.
I don't think it's a good social move. But say that happens. They ask you, "What do you do for work?" Your response probably right now is something like, "I'm a software engineer. Been doing it about six years now. Pays the bills, ha ha ha. What about you?" Terrible. What kind of response do you think that's gonna get, guys?
Not a good one. Now, if you were to run that response through the guy app right before you send that, here's what the guy would say. You ready? Take, take notes, gentlemen. "That's a LinkedIn profile, not a text. The 'pays the bills, ha ha,' plus a reciprocal question makes it sound like every other guy filling out the same form.
She didn't ask to interview you. She's poking to see if you're fun. Don't hand her a resume." Exactly So the guy continues, "She asked a normal question. Your ans- you answer with confusion that you're even employed. Don't deflect cleverly, just be a disaster about it. Here are three options. One, they keep paying me and I keep showing up and nobody's stopped it yet.
Two, I sit at a computer and move things until a man says good and then I go home. Or three, honestly not sure. I press buttons and money appears and I've decided not to ask questions." And then the guy says, "I'd go with two. It's flat, it's confused, and it makes software engineer sound like a hostage situation instead of a flex.
She wanted your resume and got a man describing his own life like he doesn't even understand it. Send it." Guys, that is how you text on the apps. How is she not gonna respond to that? And that's the thing, guys, is that when you text like that it flips the entire dynamic where she's gonna start... The mystery and the intrigue you've created along with demonstrating that you're not taking things too seriously, that you're just here to have fun and see where things go, you have no agenda, that is gonna flip the script where she's the one asking you questions.
She's the one pursuing you and that's where you wanna be. And ultimately there, when you stop trying to control things that can't be controlled, that's when you will get the results you are after. I believe Socrates said that. So hopefully that makes some sense to you guys. What you have to understand is that you're weaponizing incompetence and what you also have to understand is that this is how the guy who has nothing going for him in real life, no style, no culture, terrible grooming, this is why this guy is getting results on the apps and meanwhile you with your, you know, finance background can't get a date.
This is why. This is the difference. And so this is how you must text. And really at the end of the day, guys, it's just how you flirt over text communication. Men, we're in this boring, logical LinkedIn DM mode. That is not what you, how you should be texting on Hinge or Bumble or God forbid Tinder, right? So guys, the guy will stop you from selling to a customer who's already decided to buy what you sell.
All right? That's what you have to understand. And so if you've been struggling with the text game, 'cause guys I know I was, I guarantee you... 'Cause I was out cold approaching, I was out- I was out regularly meeting women in person, having very good results, I would say. You know, 70 to 80% of the time it was a positive interaction.
But over text, I would shoot myself in the foot. It got so bad to the point where I would get a girl's number and even if it was a great interaction, I'd be like, "You know what? She's not gonna respond." So, and then now it's a totally different sea change. Now after the guy, after we've developed the guy app, now it's totally different.
Now I go in after the same type of interaction and I'm like, "She's responding, no doubt, because I'm about to send something ridiculous." Guys, what you have to understand is that texting is for chaos. Throw a grenade into the chat and just see what happens and start having fun. You don't get to know someone over text and their, you know, their deepest, darkest desires and what keeps them up at night and what makes them tick.
You can do that in person, but the only way you will get to that, to that in-person date is if you master the text game. And the way to do that is to download the guy app. Link in the description. Guys, I'll see you in the next one. If you have any comments, drop a message and I'll get back to you. Peace out.
Bye.