The Guy
why being normal on dating apps is the fastest way to get unmatched
tldr: Normal texts feel safe but they read as forgettable, and women roast forgettable harder than they roast weird. Inventing your own absurd reality gives her something to play with, filters out dead matches, and builds the chemistry that shared hobbies never will.
i was in a coffee shop a few weekends ago. two girls sitting together. one of them gets a match. the guy opens with "hey, how's your life going?"
not terrible. slightly better than "how's your day going" because life gives her more to work with. benign. normal. safe.
these girls destroyed him.
i'm not exaggerating. it was a scene out of Mean Girls. one of them literally said "you fumbled, my man." over a text you'd think was completely fine. i sat there sipping my coffee watching a normal guy get executed in real time for the crime of being normal.
if you think i'm harsh on this blog, understand something. i'm gentle. the women you're texting are ten times meaner. they just do it in a group chat you'll never see.
why does a "normal" text get me unmatched?
because normal isn't neutral. you think safe is the middle. it's not. safe is the floor.
adult life is boring. you pay taxes. you walk the dog. you commute. you meal prep on sundays. and when you open a match with "how's your day going," you're handing her an extension of the exact reality she's trying to escape. you're offering her more of the thing she already has too much of.
she opened the app to feel something. you showed up with a status meeting.
this is the core of Signal Inversion Theory: the moves that feel high-risk to you are actually the safe ones, and the moves that feel safe are the ones getting you killed. playing it safe on the apps is the single most dangerous thing you can do. that coffee shop guy played it safe. it blew up in his face. i wrote more about why playing it safe is sabotaging you if you don't believe me yet.
what should i send instead of a normal text?
invent your own absurd reality.
let me show you what that actually looks like. couple months back, wintertime, i met a woman at Target in the wine aisle. we talked for fifteen minutes. we both did yoga, so we swapped that. next day she texts me: "how was your C2 flow?"
here's the fork in the road.
HER: how was your C2 flow?
WHAT I USED TO SEND: Yoga was great this morning! Nothing better than a hot yoga class on a Sunday morning in the winter haha. What about you? How's your Sunday going?
WHAT I ACTUALLY SENT: terrible. the instructor adjusted me three times. think she just wanted to touch the aloe set. i feel used.
she replied with a laughing emoji. "OMG how scandalous."
look at what the second text does. it hands her a story she can step into. she gets to play the "OMG" role. she gets to poke fun at me. i gave her a door.
the first text hands her nothing. "how's your sunday going" gets you a report about her meal prep. you asked a boring question, you get a boring answer, and then it dies. you did that. not her.
why does acting like an idiot beat acting impressive?
because inventing an absurd reality does the exact thing your polite openers are failing to do.
when you send something unhinged, you're signaling two things without saying them. one, you're confident enough that you don't care what she thinks. two, only a guy who's actually secure will risk looking like a complete disaster. the guy who's terrified of looking weird is the guy who has something to protect. the guy who'll clown himself has nothing to prove.
your "thoughtful, measured" opener is trying to communicate value through the front door. it doesn't work. she's read forty of them today. the absurd text communicates the same value through a door she didn't know was there.
this is the same reason texting like an idiot beats texting like a jerk. the idiot has abundance. the jerk is performing. she can tell the difference instantly.
give me a real example for the apps
say you've moved from the app to texting. she sends: "hey, what's up?"
HER: hey what's up?
BEFORE: Not much, just got back from the gym. How was your weekend? Did you end up going to that concert you mentioned?
AFTER (pick one):
1. who sent you
2. you scared me
3. what do you want
"not much, just got back from the gym" is the most boring sentence a man can produce. and then you stacked two questions on top like you're wrapping up an interview. she sent you four words. you don't get to send thirty. read the room.
go with option two. "you scared me." she said hi. you responded like she kicked your door down. now she's the aggressor for literally just saying hello, and she has to explain herself. the door is wide open and she walked through it herself.
no "lol." no "hahaha." you don't laugh at your own bit. you commit to it. the second you add "haha just kidding" you've told her you were scared the whole time.
this is why boring messages get boring responses. the energy you put in is the ceiling for what comes back.
but won't she think i'm weird?
this is the fear. i had it too. one of my friends won't even try the app because he's convinced the absurd text makes a bad first impression, "like a job interview." that's the whole problem. you think it's a job interview.
here's the thing you're missing. the absurd text always wins. two outcomes exist.
one, she plays along. she thinks it's funny, she escalates, she asks questions, she flirts. great. that's the whole point.
two, she ghosts, ignores, or unmatches. also great. because you just filtered her out. you became the hot girl in that scenario. she doesn't have the sense of humor to hang out with in person, and you found out on text one instead of on date three after buying two cocktails. this is the same move as when you text like a hot girl instead of auditioning for one.
there is no losing outcome. the only way to lose is the middle. the polite, safe, normal text. that one doesn't filter anybody and doesn't attract anybody. it just sits there getting quietly roasted in a group chat.
why does this actually build chemistry?
because chemistry isn't built on shared hobbies. you both like yoga. cool. so does everyone. comparing weekend routines doesn't create attraction, it creates a spreadsheet.
the thing that actually connects two people is hard to name. it's an energy transfer. it's her stepping into a ridiculous bit with you and both of you playing it straight. that's the romantic chemistry. that's the vibe you're actually chasing, and you cannot manufacture it with "how's your sunday going."
i didn't figure this out on purpose. i fell ass backwards into it. i was the guy sending "yoga was great this morning!" my co-founder got so tired of me texting him for advice that he built a prototype just to get me to stop blowing up his phone. that prototype became The Guy. i had to be completely deprogrammed. it's not your fault you text this way. who was going to teach you, your dad? he was dating in the '80s before cell phones existed.
normal is the trap. absurd is the escape. throw the grenade.
try The Guy at asktheguy.app. paste your conversation, get the version that actually works.
video transcript
Every guy on the apps is talking to her about the same boring reality. The winning move isn't to play into this trap, rather it's to invent your own absurd reality. Let me explain. Guys, life as an adult is boring. We have to pay our taxes, we have to take the dog for a walk, we have to commute to work, and so many of you guys are just offering women on the apps an extension of this boring reality.
Give you an example. Over the weekend, I was at a coffee shop. A woman... Two girls are together. One of them gets a new match on the apps, and the guy opens the chat with a text of, "Hey, how's your life going?" Now, I will say this is not a good text, however it is better than the standard, "Hey, how's your day going?"
At least life gives her a bit more to work with. But you would not believe how much these women were roasting this guy over a message you would think was totally benign and normal, right? And so honestly, you would not believe what they were saying. It was like watching a scene straight out of Mean Girls.
If you think I'm mean with what I'm saying on this channel, believe me, they are 10 times meaner. And so guys, what you have to understand is that when it comes to texting them on the apps, you have to invent your own absurd reality, and this is going to totally change the dynamic. Because when you invent your own absurd reality, number one, you're demonstrating the high-value behavior you're already trying to do with your polite openers and your thoughtful responses.
Because when you invent your own absurd reality, you're demonstrating that number one, you're so confident in yourself that you don't really care what she thinks, and number two, only a guy who is not afraid to look like a total disaster, who's not afraid to completely clown himself, is actually the only type of guy that in real life, that in real life is actually completely secure and confident in himself and in his masculinity.
So, that is one thing you really need to internalize But the second thing is that you really want to offer them an escape on the apps. And when you start something in an absurd manner, and I'll give you an example of what that looks like in a, in a second. But when you text them with something absurd, with something totally unhinged, you give them something to play into.
You give them something to ask you questions about, something to poke fun of you about. You give her so much more of an opening to continue the conversation with you. That's what it comes down to, guys. Let me give you an example. The other day, or actually a couple months ago during the wintertime, I was in Target at the wine aisle.
I see this beautiful woman. I go over there. I say, "Excuse me, you just looked like a more down-to-earth, modest version of Nicole Kidman. I had to come over and say hello." And this was the truth. This is-- That was just my observation. I said it plainly, and I let the cards fall where they may. So over time, she was super into it.
We started... We actually spent, like, 15 minutes walking around. And then the entire time, I keep up this absurd frame. I'm like, "Thank God there are security cameras this way. If you look to kidnap me, the FBI can track you down," blah, blah, blah. Sh- she was loving it. This is how you flirt, guys. This is what The Guy app is helping guys do, link in the description, helping you flirt with women on the apps, not get into boring, logical LinkedIn DM mode with them.
And so where this is going in terms of the text example, I'll give you another example that you can use on the apps in a second here. But where this is going is that, you know, we exchanged interests as well. We're both into yoga. The next day, she texts me. She goes, "How was your C2 flow?" C2 is, like, an intermediate core power class.
I said... Now, most of you guys would've said something like, "Hey! Exclamation point." "Yoga was great this morning. Nothing better than a hot yoga class on a Sunday morning in the winter, ha ha. What about you? How's your Sunday going?" Boring. Too logical. Doesn't give her anything fun to talk about. It's like she's talking to her dad or her uncle, right?
Instead, when I know you guys would've sent that because I was that guy not very long ago, not before me and my co-founder... He literally built a prototype version of the guy because I was constantly asking him for text advice. He got tired of me constantly blowing up his phone. He created a version one prototype, far less sophisticated than The Guy app currently is, and was like, "Here, use this.
Stop texting me." And with that, I sent something much better. Instead, what I sent was, in response to how my yoga class was, I said, "Terrible. The instructor adjusted me three times. Think she just wanted to touch the aloe set. I feel used." And then she reacted with a ha ha to the message. She sent me the laughing emoji.
She was like, "OMG, how scandalous." And you see how from there, by inventing my own ridiculous, absurd reality, she was able to step into that story, and then it just set the stage for a much more fun conversation. Versus if I had been like, "How's your Sunday?" I mean, again, adult life is kind of boring.
Probably wasn't gonna be that exciting. Probably just gonna tell me about her meal prep, right? So hopefully this, guys, is making sense to you. I wanna give you one more example on the app real quick. But here's what you have to understand. So many of you guys are afraid to send the absurd, crazy, unhinged text because you think that they're gonna think you're weird, right?
But what you just... W- b- based on the story I was just telling you about the girls in the coffee shop, if you send something boring, something safe, they're gonna laugh at you anyway because it l- one of the girls was literally like, "You fumbled, my man." That's our tagline on The Guy. I was in shock. So hopefully that makes some sense.
Now, let me give you an example. Say you've been chatting with her for a while. You've moved from the app to text message. She says, "Hey, what's up?" Before you would've sent something, before you download The Guy and completely change your text game and change your dating life as a whole, before you would've said something like, "Not much.
Just got back from the gym. How was your weekend? Did you end up going to that concert you mentioned?" Now, if you were to run that text through The Guy app right before, The Guy would tell you that that's not going to work. You sound like every other guy in her phone. "Not much. Just got back from the gym," is the most boring text a man can send And then you hit her with two whole questions like you're concluding the interview.
She sent you four words, you don't get to send 30. I agree. That would've been a terrible text Instead, what you should send is, here are three options of what you should send. Number one, who sent you? Number two, you scared me. Number three, what do you want? And then it says, "I'd go with two. She texted you, 'Hey, what's up?'
And you responded like she kicked your door down. It makes her the aggressor for literally just saying hi, and she has to respond to that. Door wide open." So yeah, guys, you just gotta create an absurd, ridiculous bit and stick to it. No LOL. No hahaha. Just stick with it, guys. And what you have to understand is so many of you are afraid of sending the unhear- un- excuse me.
So many of you guys are afraid to send the high risk text, the one you think is risky, the ridiculous, absurd opener about the yoga instructors wanting to feel the material of your Alo set. You're afraid to send these types of texts 'cause you think you're gonna get labeled as weird or creepy or, um, just, um, unserious.
One of my friends, he doesn't wanna try out the Gaia 'cause he's like, "Bro, that's gonna make a bad first impression," as if it's a job interview or something. Guys, what you have to understand is that the Gaia will always help you win because either, one, she's going to play into the absurd, ridiculous, funny story you create.
She's either gonna think it's funny, play along with it, ask you questions, flirt with you, escalate, which is all great obviously, or she's going to ghost you, ignore you, unmatch you. But what you don't understand is that the Gaia will always help you win because when she doesn't reciprocate, you just filtered her out.
You just used... Y- you just became the hot girl in that scenario. You filtered her out because that just shows she wouldn't have been fun to hang out with. She doesn't have a good sense of humor, and that is really how you connect with each other in person. That's how the vibe and the romantic chemistry is established.
It's not by sharing hobbies. It's not by, you know, comparing weekend routines. No, it's by this thing that's really hard to, um, even kind of like encapsulate. It's just this energy transfer, if you will, and so that's what the Gaia is helping you do. It's helping you get out of your own way. And, like, to go back to how this video started with the story about the girls in the coffee shop roasting the guy about asking them how their life is going, guys, what you have to understand is that to play it safe on the apps is the most risky thing you can do, like that guy did.
He was playing it safe, and it blew up in his face. You send an absurd text, you throw a grenade, and you will actually have way more success. If you don't believe me, that's fine. I didn't believe any of this myself. I had to fall ass backwards into this entire way of thinking. You have to be completely deprogrammed into how you're thinking about the text communication on the dating apps.
And this is important because, guys, it's not your fault you don't know how to text because how would you have ever learned? Was your dad going to teach you? He, I mean, like, he grew up and was dating in, like, the '80s. There wasn't even cell phones at the time. It's not your fault you don't know how to master the text communication.
Honestly, we discovered this by accident. It was completely accidental. And then we didn't even wanna start the business for a long time. We were like, "It's too powerful, number one. It's too absurd." But then we were like, "There's just too much value we can provide to people." So guys, if you wanna get an analysis of your text game, the guy is not just gonna give you funny lines like I've been demonstrating.
It goes so much deeper than this. In fact, all our competitors, Gemini, ChatGPT, Claude, Rizz AI, they wish it was just an AI text line generator. It's an AI text coach. You'll get an analysis of where you're going wrong, understand what's actually happening in the chat, and then you'll always get lines to move it forward and maintain your, and maintain your dignity in the chat.
That's what it's all about, guys. All right. Any questions, drop a comment and I'll get back to you. Otherwise, I will see you tomorrow on this channel. Five videos a week, guys. Not fooling around. Talk to you in the next one. Peace out. Bye.