The Guy
why the "perfect" opener still gets you ghosted
tldr: The perfect opener gets ghosted because scripts signal the wrong energy. She's read your polished line 400 times today. What works isn't the words, it's what the words signal, and a memorized line can't fake the vibe behind it.
i once spent $15 on a flow chart.
a real one. multiple branches. if she says this, you say that. if she goes cold, deploy line 4b. i studied it like a compliance training module. it got me absolutely nowhere.
here's why. the perfect opener isn't a words problem. it's an energy problem. and you can't buy energy for $15.
why does my carefully written opener get ignored?
because she's read it before. all of it.
you drafted your opener like a cover letter. a greeting. a compliment. a question. maybe you proofread it. you thought it was clean. it was. that was the problem.
"hey! i noticed we matched. i'd love to get to know you. what do you like to do for fun?"
that was legitimately one of the first texts i ever sent on an app. i thought it was polite. i thought polite was good. she read "what do you like to do for fun" for the 400th time that day and her eyes glazed over 399 texts ago.
the words weren't wrong. the words were fine. the signal was death. it said: i am identical to every other guy in your inbox, and i am applying for a position. this is the exact same instinct that makes guys text on hinge like it's linkedin. you're pitching. she's not hiring.
this is the whole idea behind Signal Inversion Theory: it's not what the words say, it's what the words signal. the letter of the law versus the spirit of the law. women pick up on this faster than you do. it's not close.
what's the difference between a line and the energy behind it?
a line is a costume. energy is the guy wearing it.
here's the trap with scripts. they work for maybe two messages. then she asks something the flow chart didn't cover. and you break character. it's like ryan gosling gets swapped for a stunt double mid-scene. same jaw, same hair, but she knows. something's off. the attraction dies right there.
when guys start a free trial with The Guy App, the app hands them stuff like:
"my grandma warned me about women like you. she's been dead for six years and she came back from the dead just for this moment."
i've run lines like that by friends i've known for over a decade. every single one said the same thing. "dude, you can't send that. it doesn't even make sense. she's gonna think you're weird."
they're wrong. and here's the proof.
what does the "wrong" opener actually look like next to the "right" one?
YOU (the perfect opener): hey! i noticed we matched. i'd love to get to know you. what do you like to do for fun?
HER: [read 2:14pm]
YOU (the "wrong" one): i'm not supposed to be on here. there was an intervention and you are not helping.
HER: oh no what did i do
read those twice.
the first one is grammatically perfect and emotionally dead. the second one confesses damage immediately, makes her the problem just by existing, and leaves her no choice but to ask what she did wrong. that "what did i do" is the door swinging open.
the first text gives everything away. the second gives nothing away and makes her chase the gap. that's the entire game.
what are the "energies" that actually work?
these aren't lines to copy. copying is how you get caught. these are frames. the words are yours. the energy is the point.
the open loop. create a gap she has to fill. "i need to tell you something." then nothing. she has to ask.
the false accusation. imply she's a threat. "you look like trouble." a little generic on its own, but the frame is gold.
the absurd confession. admit something bizarre with zero shame. no flinch. the shamelessness is what sells it.
the callback to nothing. continue a conversation that never happened. "okay so anyway, as i was saying." she never said anything. that's the joke.
the disqualification. imply you're not sold yet. "my therapist says i need to avoid bougie stylish blondes." that's my line. you can have it.
the reluctant compliment. acknowledge she's attractive but frame it as your problem, not her win.
the misinterpretation. take something she said and twist it sideways on purpose.
notice what all of these have in common. none of them pitch. none of them ask permission. none of them try to prove you're a good candidate. every one of them is a small George Costanza inversion of the try-hard text you were about to send.
why does starting a chat feel like a job interview?
because you treat it like one.
you walk into the conversation pitching yourself. resume energy. "here's what i bring to the table." a much better frame is open mic night. you're testing new material. half the battle is you actually having fun. she reads that off you instantly.
the grandma-from-the-dead line works because of what it signals, not what it says. it signals: this guy is fun. this guy knows how to flirt. this guy isn't taking it seriously in the first four seconds. this is a guy worth knowing. the joke is the delivery mechanism. the signal is the payload.
trying to be impressive does the opposite. i've watched guys with real careers and real lives tank every match because they led with the resume. the more impressive the pitch, the more she smells effort. effort reads as need. need kills it.
won't the unhinged opener filter women out?
yes. that's the point.
this is the objection every guy has, and every guy has it backwards. you're terrified the weird text will lose you matches. it will. good.
if she doesn't find the grandma line funny, she was never interested in you. she was interested in the polite version of you that doesn't exist. that match was already dead. the intervention text just told you sooner.
you need the abundance mindset for this to work. you have to be genuinely okay losing the match. the second you cling to any one girl, the energy shifts and she feels it. this is the same reason playing it safe quietly sabotages you. safe doesn't protect the match. safe is what kills it.
what does "text like a hot girl" actually mean?
it means texting like someone with options. because she has them.
part of it is the lowercase thing. i noticed every hot girl on the apps texts in lowercase. no capital letters, no punctuation, casual to the point of careless. so i started doing it. it became an automatic differentiator. it signals you're relaxed, you're not performing, you're not trying. the absence of effort is the flex.
the deeper part is the not-caring. hot girls text short. they let things sit. they don't over-explain. they'll say the dumb absurd thing and let the cards fall. you should too.
and stop mining her bio for common ground. you don't build attraction on shared hobbies or where you both grew up. you find it through a shared sense of humor. referencing her bio is a trap precisely because it's the safe move that makes you the 40th guy who also loves hiking.
the actual fix
i had everything going for me in real life. approaching women in broad daylight, getting numbers, great in-person energy. then i'd pick up my phone and shoot myself in the foot over text.
it's not your fault. nobody taught you this. your dad didn't. your uncle didn't. the technology is too new. my co-founder and i cracked it because somebody had to.
say the funny, absurd, unhinged thing. let the cards fall. stop texting like your boomer uncle at the christmas party. the perfect opener was never the goal. the right energy was.
try The Guy at asktheguy.app. paste your conversation, get the version that actually works.
video transcript
Why following scripts given to you by dating coaches and influencers are guaranteed to get you ghosted. Now, guys, I was there. I was the guy who literally once spent $15 on an entire flow chart with, you know, multiple branches based on how the text conversation would go. And honestly, it got me nowhere.
Because what you need to understand is that it's the recited lines... Number one, let's be real, she's heard it all a million times. You're not as interesting or as unique as you think you are by copying and pasting these lines. That's why The Guy app doesn't rely on lines. It relies on an entire philosophy, and that's the key point.
It's not the lines themselves, it's not what the words say, it's what the words signal. It's the difference between the letter of the law and the spirit of the law. And at the end of the day, it's the energy and it's the vibe that comes from them. Women are much more intuitive and pick up on this way better than men do.
And in this video, I'm gonna also give you a couple different vibes or energies, if you will, several actually, that'll show you exactly what I'm talking about and illustrate this more in depth. But what you have to understand is so many of you guys will s- will start a free trial with The Guy app. This is the feedback we've gotten.
And you'll see a line that's like, "My grandma warned me about women like you. She's been dead for six years, and she literally came back from the dead just for this moment." Now, most of you guys would never in a million years open with that, and I get it. I used to be exactly like you. I've run these by some of my friends that I've known for a decade plus, and they all say, "Dude, you can't send that, man.
It's gonna make a terrible first impression. Dude, it doesn't even make sense. Dude, like, she's gonna think I'm weird." Now, as I've covered in past videos here, and if you're new here to this channel, you really have to go back. You owe it to yourself, quite frankly, if you're struggling with the text game just like I was.
Because I have made, along with the guidance of my co-founder who helped me, who together we developed The Guy app, I have made a total transformation. 'Cause I used to be the guy who had everything going on fantastic in my life. I was even out there in real life, you know, approaching women in broad daylight, just like today, and then I would get the number, I would have a great in-person interaction, and then I would shoot myself over the text game with the cell phone.
And it's not your fault that you're not good with the text game. There was no one around to show you the way. It certainly wasn't gonna be your dad, your uncle, your grandpa. It's just, it's just too new of a technology. And only recently have my co-founder and I cracked the code into actually mastering the digital communication, both on the dating apps, but really over text message, WhatsApp, iMessage, it doesn't matter the app, Instagram DMs, it all works.
So- It's really all about the energy, guys. And the reason why the lines and the scripts break down is because, yeah, it might work for a couple messages, but eventually she realizes the energy difference. Eventually she picks up on you breaking character. It's like you just... It's like, you know, Ryan Gosling just got replaced with a stunt double.
Yeah, they look kinda similar, but at the end of the day, she knows there's a difference, and that's what's going to break the attraction. But when you actually adopt the mindset, then the lines don't matter, then you understand why it works, and then you can literally say anything and you'll understand why it works.
Now, let me give you 10 energies, not necessarily 10 lines, that you can start to use on the apps, over text message, whenever you're communicating with women through the cellphone. So, so many of you guys give it all away. Let me give you an example of what you probably would say. So for example, you would say
"Hey! I noticed we matched. I'd love to get to know you. What do you like to do for fun?" Now, literally, that was probably the first text I ever sent on one of these dating apps, not gonna lie. But that is so try-hard. If you were to run that through The Guy app before you send, link in the, link in the, um, description here if you wanna grab a free trial, The Guy app would save you.
The Guy app would save you from fumbling the match, who literally could be your future wife, but you were just about to blow it on the text game. The Guy would say, "That's not going to work. That's the opener every guy on the app sends. She's read 'What do you like to do for fun?' 400 times today, and her eyes glazed over 399 times ago.
You're applying for a job. You need to flip the board." Then it gives you three options. Number one, "Someone slid a note under my door that said, 'Do not swipe right today.' I did anyway." Number two, "I was doing fine until about 30 seconds ago and now I have to call my lawyer." Number three, "I am not supposed to be on here.
There was an intervention and you are not helping." And it says, "I'd go with three," the intervention one I just read. It confesses damage immediately, makes her the problem just by existing, and she has no choice but to ask what she did wrong. That's the door. And that's what you have to understand, guys, is that it's really about the energy.
So many of you guys would never send that, but that's exactly why it works. Now, let me give you the, um, different frameworks, if you will, that you can actually use as I promised in the intro. So for example, the open loop, you have to create a gap she has to fill like that message just demonstrated. "I need to tell you something," for example.
Number two, the false accusation. Implies she's a threat. "You look like trouble." Okay, that's a bit generic, I won't lie, but, but if you use The Guy app and ask it for that example, it'll give it to you, trust me. The absurd confession. Admit something bizarre with zero shame. I could give you an example, but it'd be a little too graphic for this video.
The callback to nothing. Continue a conversation that never started. "Okay, so as I was saying..." The disqualification, implying you're not sold on her yet. "I'm not sure about you. My therapist says th- I need to avoid the, uh, the bougie, stylish blondes." That's my line, but you can use it. The reluctant compliment.
Acknowledge her attractive, but frame it as your problem. Kinda like that last line just did. The misinterpretation. Take something she said and twist it. And all these basically are open loops you can use to generate lines, okay? So honestly, those examples weren't killer, but if you use The Guy app, those are all frameworks The Guy will use, okay?
But what you have to be... Guys, here's the thing. Two things to wrap up here. You can't be afraid to be interesting, to be fun, to be entertaining. One, so many of you guys are starting the chat like you're walking into a job interview and pitching yourself. A much better way to start the chat would be like you're at an open mic night and you're just testing new material.
Half the battle is having fun yourself, okay? Because she can pick up on the energy. The reason why all the texts worked of like, "Hey, my grandma warned me about you or about women like you." The reason why it works is because it signals that this guy is fun. This guy knows how to flirt. This guy isn't taking it super serious right away.
This is actually a guy worth getting to know. So this is how you communicate over the apps, okay? And then at the end of the day, and then another issue I have to address here is that you guys are so concerned that it's going to filter women out. But what you have to understand is that the filter is the point.
If she doesn't find that funny, then she wasn't going to be interested in you anyway. You have to be okay with losing the match. You have to have the abundance mindset. You have to have... You got to text like a hot girl, which is not just the lowercase grammar, which the guy uses, which was literally my idea.
I will take credit for that one. I noticed all the hot girls would text in lowercase, which apparently Gen Z says is much more like casual apparently. And then I just started texting like it. And now it's an automatic differentiator. I don't know, man. It goes very deep psychologically. But guys, just say the funny, absurd, unhinged thing and let the cards fall where they may.
You don't find compatibility with women on the apps through shared hobbies, interests, backgrounds, where you grew up. You will find it. The best way to find it is from a shared sense of humor, okay? All right. So that's enough for me. I think I've done all the damage I can do, guys. If you want to fix the text game once and for all, the link is in the description.
You can go from app to date in 12 messages or less with the guy app. Start texting like the catch you are. Stop texting like your boomer uncle at the Christmas party, okay? Link in description, free trial. Any questions or comments, drop a comment and I will get back to you. Talk to you later. Thanks for watching.
Bye.