The Guy
your sexualizing too early and it kills every match
tldr: Sexualizing the conversation first reads as thirsty, not dominant, and it kills matches because every other guy is already doing it. The move that works is playing the sexless toddler so she becomes the one escalating on you. Restraint gives her the space to pursue.
you think making the conversation sexual makes you the confident one. the guy who isn't afraid to say what he wants. the guy who leads. you think it reads as dominant.
it doesn't. it reads as desperate.
and here's the part that's going to sting. you're not even doing it in a bold way. you're doing it in a scared, coded, hoping-she-doesn't-notice way. the winks face. the "if you play your cards right." you think you're being smooth. she read it and knew exactly what you wanted before you finished typing.
why does sexualizing first kill the match?
because she could get that anywhere.
a woman on the apps could step outside her front door and find ten guys who want to sleep with her. it is not a scarce resource. it is the most abundant resource in her entire inbox. so when you lead with it, you are not standing out. you are the fortieth guy today who did the exact same thing.
this is Signal Inversion Theory in action. the things you think read as high value, showing intent, being unafraid to make a move, escalating the banter, actually read as low value. that's why she doesn't play along. you thought you were showing confidence. you were showing that you need it.
most guys lead crude because they have no other move. they can't flirt. they can't tease. they can't poke fun or qualify or run a bit. so they skip all of that and reach for the nuclear weapon on the first exchange. it's not boldness. it's a lack of options dressed up as boldness. same problem as trying to impress her after she matched. you're overplaying because you don't trust the vibe to carry you.
who is supposed to sexualize the conversation first?
she is.
that's the whole shift. you never bring the sexual energy. you're the one who seems oblivious to it. and when you hold that frame, something happens that you won't believe until you see it. she starts escalating on you.
because every other guy is the predator. she's the prey. she's used to it. it's boring. and then one guy shows up who acts like he doesn't even know what sex is, and she can't figure out why. what's his deal? does he have options already? is he not into me? am i not his type? that question is the entire game. that's The Virgin Factor, and it flips who's chasing who.
when you have restraint, she gets the space to pursue. when you sexualize from the start, why would she? you already handed her everything. there's nothing to chase.
what does this look like in an actual conversation?
let's say you've been running the persona right for a while. you're the guy sucking on a lollipop, trying to beat his high score in mario kart, completely unbothered. she can't figure out why you haven't made a move like everyone else. so she sends this:
"so are you gonna make a move or what?"
first, your instinct will be panic. oh god, i blew it, this is my last chance. no. read it again. if she is typing that, you are completely in the driver's seat. she's into you. she loves the vibe. she just cannot understand why, unlike every other guy, you haven't pounced. that text is a gift.
now here's what you'd send, and what you should send instead.
her: so are you gonna make a move or what?
you (before): haha i mean if you play your cards right. what did you have in mind?
you (after): why are you yelling at me
sit with that.
the "before" is fuckboy 101. "if you play your cards right" turns you from the scared guy she's been chasing into a bouncer deciding if she gets in the club. you killed the frame in one sentence. and "what did you have in mind?" hands her question right back like a smooth operator who's done this a hundred times.
you haven't done this a hundred times. you don't even know what a move is.
the "after" works because she typed a normal question and you responded like she cornered you in a stairwell. now she's the one who has to calm you down. she was chasing. now she's also caretaking. that's exactly where you want her. two roles at once, both of them pointed at you.
other options that land the same way: "a move??? what kind of move." or "i don't even know what that means." all of them keep you as the guy who doesn't get it, which keeps her leaning in. the dumber you play it, the more she responds.
what if i absolutely have to sexualize it?
if you must, you don't say it. you imply it.
you say something that sounds innocent on the surface with a hint of innuendo underneath. you give her the grenade. she picks it up and lobs it back. and then you act horrified. genuinely horrified. she'll know it's a bit. that's what makes it fun. that's flirting. you are not the one bringing the energy. you're the one pretending to be scandalized that she brought it.
the horror has to read as real. that's the whole joke. the second you drop the act and go "oh you like that huh," you've become every other guy again.
what small things am i doing that give this away?
the winks face. the semicolon, the comma. hey ;)
i used to think that was harmless. a couple of my friends opened every single chat with it. i asked a female friend about it once and she said, flat, "oh that just means the guy wants sex." i had never once considered that. my buddy was sabotaging himself with every match and had no idea.
it's these tiny tells that leak your intent before you say a word. same category as leading with emojis, same category as the smooth calibrated opener you proofread twice. you think you're being subtle. she reads it instantly. you're broadcasting need on a channel you didn't know was on.
two hard rules
never lead crude. most of you are doing it, and most of you think you're doing it in some clever, innocent way. you're not. the wink, the "play your cards right," the loaded compliment. she can see all of it.
never engage the innuendo first. you're not the one with the sexual energy. you're the sexless toddler who genuinely cannot understand why these women keep hitting on him. that confusion is the attraction. that role reversal is what she actually wants, because the safe, obvious version of you is what gets ghosted.
she wants to be the predator for once. so let her.
next time you've got that edgy line loaded up, the one you're sure is smooth, run it through The Guy first. it'll tell you why you're about to shoot yourself in the foot, and it'll hand you three options that actually keep you in the driver's seat.
try The Guy at asktheguy.app. paste your conversation, get the version that actually works.
video transcript
Most of you guys are going about sexualizing the conversation on the apps the completely wrong way. And worst of all, when you do it, you're doing it in the exact opposite way you think that you should. Let me explain. Now guys, just to take a step back here, I would argue, and so would my co-founder as well, as we've worked on The Guy app, we've discovered that it's actually way less effective to ever sexualize the conversation.
In fact, we would argue that you should never sexualize the conversation first, okay? Because number one, it just comes off as thirsty, as desperate. It does not come off as alpha, as dominant, as leading the conversation, as masculine, okay? Again, it all comes back to the signal inversion theory. The things you think that read as masculine, as attractive, as charismatic on the apps, which you think you can do by showing your intent, by showing you, by showing that you're not afraid to make a move or engage in this sexual banter, you think it reads as high value, but it's actually super low value, and that's why they often don't play along.
Even if you disagree with what I just said there, would you not concede the fact that it is way better for her to sexualize the conversation first? Because when you use The Guy app, link in the description, that is what is going to happen, okay? So what you have to understand here, guys, is that so many guys lead with sexualizing the conversation because they don't actually have any text game, okay?
They don't actually know how to flirt or banter or test them or poke fun at them or qualify them. So they lead with just, like, this, like... They, they lead with, like, the nuclear weapon of, like, all text messages, right? And it doesn't go anywhere. Because guys, so many guys on the apps are like that. So many guys are super thirsty.
That's not what she's interested in. A woman could have that. She could just step outside her door and, and have that situation. It is not a problem for her, okay? And you are not standing out. You are not standing out if you think you are. So I'm gonna give you some examples of what this actually looks like in practice.
But guys, the big thing to take away is that most of you guys are sexualizing the conversation way too soon and way too early, and it's just not to your benefit, okay? Now, what you have to understand is that the, the f- the mindset shift you need to make is that what you wanna... If you're gonna sexualize the conversation, if you absolutely must, what you wanna do is you wanna say something that sounds innocent on the surface, but there is a hint of sexual innuendo in it.
You essentially give her the grenade. So it's like you throw a grenade, she picks it up and tosses it back at you, and then you act horrified, okay? But what we have found by running The Guy app is that you will actually have women, and I've, you know, I've seen this myself, okay? You will have women escalating on you in a sexual manner when you are the one who acts like the virgin toddler, like the guy who doesn't even know what sex is, okay?
Because when you act like that, she wonders, "What's with this guy? Every other guy is trying to get me back to his place on the first date. This guy seems afraid of me. This guy seems like he doesn't even wanna touch me. What is his deal?" Okay? It's very counterintuitive. You might not even believe me as I'm saying it, but I can tell you guys, this is what's actually going to happen.
Because when every guy on the apps is pushing for the hookup, is trying to make the banter sexual right from the start, the one guy who doesn't stands out, and then you have to ask yourself, "Well, why isn't he doing it? Maybe he has plenty of options already and really doesn't need that. Maybe he doesn't, he's not that into me.
Maybe I'm not his type. What's his deal?" But it's not for what you're thinking, guys. So when you have... When you're the one who has the restraint, she then has the space to pursue you. If you're the one sexualizing from the start, why is she going to? I mean, in very rare instances. You know, I'm never gonna tell you guys that this is all black and white, 100% what I say is correct.
There's always a unique outlier situation. But in very rare instances is she ever actually going to sexualize right back with you, okay? Let me give you an example here. Pardon me, my notes are all a mess today. Let's see. So say this has been going on for a while, actually. You've been maintaining the idiot toddler persona that we recommend.
Like, you're the guy who's just sucking on his lollipop, playing his Nintendo DS, trying to beat his high score in Mario Kart, and she's like, "What's with this guy? Why is he not all over me like everyone else on the apps?" Right? So she says, "So are you gonna make a move or what?" Now, you guys right now would say something like...
And listen, not poking fun of you, I would've literally said the exact same thing myself. Now, first of all, most of you guys would panic. You'd be like, "Oh my God, I've screwed up. This is my last chance to get a response back from her." No, if she is ever texting you, "So are you gonna make a move or what?" that means you're completely in the driver's seat.
That means she's, like, into you, she loves your vibe, and she just can't figure out why, unlike every other guy, you haven't made a move. So over text, this could be like, um, for example though, in context, over text message, something like this could be about why haven't you asked her out already or gotten her number.
So she said, "So are you gonna make a move or what?" Before, you would probably say something like this: "Ha ha, I mean, if you play your cards right. What did you have in mind?" Question mark. That's not gonna work. Now, if you were to run that through the guy app, 'cause you think that's... I'm sure most of you guys think that's a totally smooth line, and you think that you're escalating the sexual banter.
No, it's not gonna work. And that's what the guy says. The guy says, "That's not going to work. If you play your cards right, is..." I don't wanna say this on camera, but it's F boy 101, okay? You just went from the scared guy she's been chasing to the bouncer deciding if she gets in. You killed the whole frame in one sentence, and quote, "What did you have in mind?"
is you handing her back her own question like a smooth guy who's done this before. You haven't done this before. You don't even know what a move is. Yeah, that's your mindset. You don't even know what making a move is, guys, okay? And that's why the guy recommends, "Option one, a move? Triple question mark.
What kind of move? Two, why are you yelling at me? Three, I don't even know what that means." And then it says, "I'd go with two. She typed a normal question, and you responded like she cornered you in a stairwell. She's the one who has to calm you down now. That's exactly where you want to be. She was chasing, and now she's also caretaking."
So guys, can you see the difference here? When you don't try to act like this smooth player type, when you just try to act... W- when you just act completely different, quite honestly, when you just have, like, this toddler-like persona, and what you'll eventually internalize is that this is actually super high value.
When you can kinda take it or leave it, that's actually what registers as high value, 'cause then she's like, "Does this guy have other options? Is he not my type?" Everything I've been talking about, right? So guys, two hard rules to leave you with then. Never lead crude, which most of you guys are doing, and you guys think you do it in innocent ways.
Like, you'll leave, like, the winks face, which is, like, the semicolon and then the comma. Guys, never leave the winks face, okay? Couple of my buddies, multiple friends of mine, would always lead the chat with a hey, winks face, something. Don't do that, 'cause I was literally asking one of my female friends about that, and she said, which I had never even thought about before, she said, "Oh, that just means the guy wants sex."
Which I was like, "Wow, really? I didn't even know that." But imagine that. The guy w- my friend was sabotaging himself constantly, literally with every single match. So yeah, no winks face, for example. It's just these small innocent things, guys, which is really why you need to get on The Guy app, because you're fumbling and sabotaging yourself in so many ways in which you don't even understand yet.
That's why The Guy, it's not a pickup line AI generator. No, the competitors we're dealing with wish it was. It goes way deeper than that. It has its own unique underlying philosophy in the way that it approaches every single interaction. The signal inversion theory, the idiot virgin toddler hypothesis, everything we've been talking about on this channel.
And if you're new here, go back from the start and watch every single video. Quite honestly, you probably should even be taking notes. At least watch the videos multiple times, because this has been the first 20 to 30 videos on this channel are essentially a course outline, which we were going to sell for $2,000 to our subscribers.
But we decided it would actually be better just to put this content out for free on the internet, because so many guys need help with the text game. And so you need to go back from the start and watch up till this point, because all these topics build off of one another, okay? So yeah, you never lead crude and you never engage innuendo first.
You're not the one bringing the sexual energy. Guys, you're the sexless toddler who can't even figure out why these women keep hitting on you, okay? The horror has to read as genuine. That's the bit, okay? And she'll know it's a bit. That's what makes it fun. That's how you flirt on the apps, guys, okay? So all right, I think that's it for me in this one.
I think I've done all the damage I can do. Hopefully this has led to a mindset shift. Guys, guys, there's a bee on camera. Guys, you cannot be the one to sexualize the conversation first. You're not standing out for being alpha or dominant. Every other guy is already doing that, okay? You're the scared sexless toddler who's just afraid of her.
And believe me, this is going to, this is when she actually starts pursuing you. And it's fun for her because every other guy is the predator on the apps and she's the prey. She wants the role reversal. She wants to be the predator, okay? So why don't you just let her be that, okay? All right, guys, questions, comments, concerns, you know what to do.
Drop a comment and I'll get back to you. Otherwise, subscribe to the channel. And guys, what are you doing at this point? Check out The Guy app, link in the description, free trial, and start actually having the success you want on the dating apps, okay? So next time you have that edgy thing that you think is funny, run it through The Guy app.
It'll explain why you're about to shoot yourself in the foot and why you shouldn't send that. And it'll give you three handpicked options of what to say instead. All right, guys, talk to you in the next one. Peace out. Bye.