The Guy
why your matches never lead to dates
tldr: Your matches die because you treat a match like a sales lead that still needs closing. She already swiped right. Stop pitching and start acting like the date is already scheduled, and the whole dynamic flips.
You match with her and something switches on in your brain. Salesman mode. Don Draper walks into the room, straightens his tie, and starts pitching.
Here's the problem. There's no sale left to close.
She already swiped. She already matched. She had agency and she used it. And then you opened the conversation like she was a cold lead you found on LinkedIn and needed to warm up with three sentences of small talk. You treated a yes like a maybe.
That's why your matches never lead to dates. Not your face. Not your height. The first move you make after the match.
why does going into "salesman mode" kill the match?
Because it tells her the sale isn't closed. When you send "hey, love your profile, how's your week going so far," you're broadcasting a belief. The belief is that there's still a gap between you two that you have to work to bridge. That you have something to prove.
She reads that instantly. It's a stranger text. And a stranger text triggers stranger danger.
Women have a completely different experience on the apps than you do. She's getting 50 plus new matches a day. She's in constant threat assessment mode. Who is this guy. Is he normal. Is he safe. Is he going to be weird about it.
Your polite, professional, well-proofread opener does not soothe that. It adds to it. Because every single guy in her inbox sent the same thing. There is no difference between the messages men send on Hinge and the DMs they send on LinkedIn. Same tone. Same three-part structure. Same compliment, same question, same nothing. I wrote about why texting her like it's LinkedIn gets you ignored, and it applies here exactly.
You think you're being safe. Safe is the most dangerous thing you can do. Playing it safe on the apps is sabotaging you because safe means invisible, and invisible means unmatched.
what should I send instead of a normal opener?
Act like the sale is already closed. Act like the date is already on the calendar. Text her like you're already married and mildly concerned about her.
Here's the before and after. My co-founder sent me a batch of these last night. They're all ridiculous. They also work.
BEFORE: hey there, so glad we matched. your profile really stood out to me. how's your day going so far?
AFTER: i showed my lawyer your profile and she said i don't have a case yet but to screenshot everything just in case
BEFORE: hey! i see you're into hiking. have you done any fourteeners?
AFTER: my stitches just came out last week and i need to know right now if you're the type of person who's gonna put me back in the hospital
Sit with those for a second.
The before is an interview question. It's logical. It's polite. It's dead on arrival. The after is unhinged in a very specific, harmless way. It's not creepy. It's not a pickup line. It positions her as the dangerous one and you as the guy who's slightly scared of what she's capable of.
A few more from the same batch:
- "i got cleared by two doctors and a priest to be on this app and i don't think i'm ready"
- "i don't know who sent you but i already told the staff i'm not ready for reintroduction"
- "somebody put your profile in front of mine on purpose. i was just starting to feel safe again"
- "the people monitoring my progress told me to try this app and i already want to go back"
Do you see the difference? One is a form letter. The other is a bit she gets to play along with.
isn't that high risk? what if she doesn't respond?
You're already running the objections in your head. She'll think I'm weird. She won't get it. My current strategy is safer.
Your current strategy has a zero percent hit rate. That's the baseline you're defending.
And the risk math is backwards. Worst case, she doesn't respond. That's it. That's the whole downside. She was already not responding to "have you done any fourteeners." You lose nothing you had. Life goes on. You'll be fine.
The upside is a real conversation with actual energy in it instead of the polite death spiral of "haha yeah, you? / not much, you?" that ends in a silent unmatch nine texts later.
This is the whole point of Signal Inversion Theory: everything that made you successful in every other part of your life is the exact thing sabotaging you on the apps. In your career, you close. You pitch. You demonstrate value and handle objections. It works at work. It's poison here. The doctors, the lawyers, the accountants, the neurosurgeons, they crush it everywhere except the one place they can't figure out. Meanwhile the guy with nothing going on runs an endless stream of dates. He's not closing. He's not trying. He acts like it's already his.
why does acting scared of her make her chase?
Because it flips the threat assessment. She's the one scanning for danger. So you become harmless. You become the scared one. You make her the predator and yourself the toddler in the corner who just wants to play with his blocks and is a little nervous she might take them.
The second you stop trying to get the girl and start acting like she's already yours, the entire dynamic inverts. She stops evaluating you and starts chasing you. This is the same reason acting terrified of women is insanely attractive instead of the confident-alpha routine you assume you're supposed to run. Confidence pitched at her reads as pressure. Nervous energy pointed at her reads as fun.
None of the "high value" signaling matters if the frame is wrong. In fact the more impressive you try to be, the worse you do, because impressive is just a longer pitch, and the pitch is the problem.
but shouldn't I just be my authentic self?
I hear this one constantly. "I don't want to use AI, it's insincere, I just want to be authentic."
Two things. First, you're already using ChatGPT. The smart ones are already using Claude. Half the inbox she's staring at is AI-generated cover letters. Those tools are glorified pickup line generators with no philosophy behind them. They don't understand that your instincts are the bug, not the feature.
Second, Hinge built its own AI opener generator and the lines are garbage. Ask yourself why. Hinge runs on a subscription model and it's owned by a giant publicly traded corporation. Think about the incentive. Is it more profitable to get you off the app and into a relationship where you never pay again? Or to keep you swiping forever? Hinge's AI openers are worse than you think, and it's not an accident.
The "authentic self" you're defending is the version texting her like a job applicant. That's not authentic. That's a costume of politeness you put on because you're scared. The scared guy who sends the lawyer text is being more honest than the polished guy sending the interview question.
Stop pitching. The sale is closed. Go say something she hasn't read forty times today.
try The Guy at asktheguy.app. paste your conversation, get the version that actually works.
video transcript
You match with her on the app and you instantly go into salesman mode. Instead, what you should be doing is just acting like the sale is already closed, and then you will see a dramatic shift in the results you're getting. Here's the thing, you get a match and you're still assuming like you have selling to do, like she didn't already match with you and swipe right.
She has agency, fellas. Hate to break it to you. You guys go into this Don Draper pitching mode like there's this formal business sale that you still need to close. What you must begin doing is just start acting like the date is already scheduled. When you go from stopping to just try and get the girl and act like she's already yours, you will see a total difference.
And so in a second, I wanna show you a couple examples of what this looks like in practice, some of the lines you should be sending, which when you see them, you're gonna c- you're gonna have all the excuses in the world for why they're not gonna work, for why she's never gonna respond to that, and why you should stick with your current strategy of just playing it safe on the apps.
But what you must understand, if you take away nothing else besides this one very important thing I'm about to say on this video, is that playing it safe on the apps is dangerous. Let me repeat. Playing it safe on the apps is dangerous. When you play it safe, that is actually the riskiest strategy you can possibly pursue because she's getting 50 plus new matches a day and they all blend in, guys.
They all are the same boring hello homework openers. There's literally no difference between the types of guys when it comes to the messages they send on Hinge or Bumble versus the DMs they're sending on LinkedIn. Literally, you'd be shocked And so what you really need to get, you know, what I really want you guys to internalize is that you should just start texting her like you're literally already married.
Because when you send a message like, "Hey, love your profile. How's your week been going so far?" That is a stranger text. That is something where you are assuming that there's this disconnect that you still must work to bridge, and that triggers a stranger danger like phenomenon, as it would for you too if you were an attractive woman on the apps, getting blown up, getting all these boring messages from guys with, you know, who knows what their background could be.
Women have a much different dating experience on the apps compared to men. They're in a constant threat assessment mode, which is why you should be the one to flip the tables like we've talked about in other videos on this channel, and just act scared of her, make her the dangerous one, and that will flip the entire dyni- the entire dynamic, excuse me, where she will start chasing you.
It's a very counterintuitive philosophy, but as you, you know, watch more videos on this channel and really internalize the philosophy behind The Guy app that my co-founder and I literally fell ass backwards into discovering the entire underlying theory underlying the text game, if you will, that The Guy will help you develop, what you will understand is that the dating, online dating landscape right now in twenty twenty-six and going forward, it's only gonna get worse, is just littered with these types of paradoxes.
It's why the high value, quote unquote, guys, the doctors, the lawyers, the accountants, the neurosurgeons, it's why they're successful in every other area of their life. But on the dating apps, they're a total disaster, and it's why the loser, bad boy, quote unquote, who's got nothing going on for him in real life, is able to clean up on the apps and has like a never end stream of dates it would seem to go on.
And if you check out The Guy app, link in the description, and you get the free trial, and you get an analysis of your text game, that could be you too. So let me give you some examples now, 'cause right now you guys are saying stuff like, "Hey there. So glad we matched. Your profile really stood out to me.
How's your day going so far?" Guys, she's seen it all a million times. It's not going to work. And if you're still watching this video up until this point, you know it's not working. That's why you're here. This is what you send instead. My co-founder literally sent me these last night. They're all hilarious.
You match with a girl. "I showed my lawyer your profile, and she said I don't have a case yet, but just screenshot everything." "I got cleared by two doctors and a priest to be on this app, and I don't think I'm ready." "My stitches just came out last week, and I need to know right now if you're the type of person who's gonna put me back in the hospital."
"I don't know who sent you, but I already told the staff I'm not ready for reintroduction." Somebody put your profile in front of mine on purpose. I was just starting to feel safe again. And then last one, the people monitoring my progress told me to try this app and I already want to go back. So do you see how that is just so much more interesting?
Yes, it's high risk, but it's high reward as well. Or like I should say, it's really actually very low risk because what is she gonna do? Not respond, worst case scenario. Okay. Guys, you'll be all right. Life will go on. Right now, she's almost certainly not responding to your, "Hey, I see you're into hiking.
Have you done any fourteeners?" Like, that's just boring, logical interview mode that's never gonna work. So yeah, guys, hopefully this is starting to make sense to you. The Guy app is really just revolutionizing the way the text game is done, and I want to address one, um, concern or objection, so to speak, if you will, right now, it just popped into my head, is that people will say, "Oh, I just wanna be my authentic self.
Oh, you know, I don't wanna use AI. Oh, you know, it's, it's, it's, um, it's insincere to use the AI texting analysis, the AI coach of the guy." Now, first of all, as we've discovered in our market research, people are already using ChatGPT, and the really smart ones are already using Claude constantly in the dating apps.
Now, number one, those are just glorified pickup line generators. They don't have the underlying philosophy making up the guy that informs the text game and the text lines that the guy generates. They don't understand the signal inversion theory, that everything that has made you successful in every other area of your life is what is sabotaging you on the dating apps.
They don't have the idiot toddler framework, which believe me or not, go watch that video. I'll link it up here if you want to. Check it out right now. But without the idiot toddler framework, without the idea that she's the dangerous predator one and that you should be positioning yourself as a scared toddler who just wants to play with his toy blocks in the corner, without that, you will never be able to really internalize why it is that the guy works, and that's why all these other AI tech spots just can't compete with the guy.
But then lastly and most importantly Now I'm seeing that Hinge literally has built in an AI text line generator. I'm sure if you're on the apps, you're familiar with this, and the lines are just total garbage. I mean, they are just not... I mean, who in their right mind would even respond to this? If you're getting responses, I guess drop a comment and let me know how that's going for you.
But I wanted to go one step deeper than that. It's not just that the lines that the Hinge AI app, which is the most popular dating app, at least in America, is terrible. It's not just that. It's the fact that Hinge relies on a subscription model, and that they are owned by a massive corporation, I believe the Match Group.
And so think about the incentive model for this giant publicly traded corporation whose only goal is to maximize revenue. Do you think they want the AI text generator or... And really even the app in general, but most specifically the AI text generator, would it be more profitable for them to have it get you on the dates into a relationship and then not need the app anymore and not need to pay them?
Or would it be more profitable to get you stuck in perpetuity on the apps? But meanwhile, the guy, we have since implemented a credit system, so now you can start a free trial and get, like, get several messages for free. You'll see for yourself how it works, and then when the time is ready to upgrade, you can just buy credits.
So we are on a totally different incentivized financial structure. Yes, there is also a subscription model, but that's only for power users that are really going all out in their dating lives, and really at that point it's just much more economical. And of course, we're a privately owned company. We're not publicly traded.
We have no shareholders. Honestly, we d- we almost didn't even create the guy because we thought it was too powerful. We didn't wanna unleash it on the world. But the more and more we thought about it, the more and more we were like, "Guys..." W- w- the more and more me and my co-founder were like, "We literally have no choice.
We could help so many people. We could get so many people into relationships, and we could provide so much value to the world." So that's why we're doing this, and that's why I'm filming out in public looking like a crazy person out here. So hopefully that was all helpful to you guys. The guy is in the description.
Check it out. Free trial. Otherwise, if you have a question, drop a comment and I'll get back to you. Subscribe for more videos. Five videos per week, Monday through Friday, ladies and gentlemen, and, um, I will see you tomorrow. Take care. Bye.