The Guy
why your first text after getting her number kills the attraction
tldr: Guys don't change their number game, they change their character. The second she texts you first, you drop the chaotic voice she matched with and go into polite LinkedIn mode. That switch is what kills the attraction, not the words themselves.
getting her number is not the finish line. it feels like one. it isn't.
the finish line is sitting across from her on an actual date. the number is just the halfway point. and the number of guys who sprint the first half of the race, get the number, and then immediately lie down on the track is genuinely staggering.
here's what happens. you finally started texting like the catch you are. you dropped your number at the right time. she texted you first. she said "hey it's Jenna" with a smiley face. she tracked you down.
and then you killed it. one text. that fast.
why does she stop responding right after she texts you first?
because you changed characters.
she matched with a specific guy. an unpredictable one. a little chaotic. funny in a way she couldn't quite categorize. that guy is why she gave you her number in the first place. she built a version of you in her head from your texts on the app.
then she texts you first, and you introduce her to a completely different person. a polite one. a respectful one. a guy who says "how's your day going?" and mentions he's about to go play tennis with friends.
congratulations. she just replaced the guy she liked with a LinkedIn connection request.
this is the whole game and almost nobody gets it. the switch from Hinge to iMessage is not a switch in personality. it's the same voice, uninterrupted. she doesn't want a different guy now that she has your number. she wants the guy she chose. this is the same thing that happens when the version of you on dating apps is fake and she knows it. you performed a character to get the number, then abandoned it the second the pressure lifted.
what should you say when she texts you first?
let me show you the exact moment. she opens with "hey it's Jenna" and a smiley face.
here's what most of you send.
her: hey it's Jenna :)
you: Hi Jenna! How's your day going? I'm about to go play tennis with some friends.
look at that and tell me you don't recognize it. it's polite. it's warm. it demonstrates you have a fun social life. you thought "how's your day going" was friendly and "about to play tennis" was social proof.
"how's your day going" is what her dentist sends. and the tennis thing is itinerary sharing. you volunteered your schedule to a girl who just tracked you down. nobody asked for your calendar.
here's the move instead.
her: hey it's Jenna :)
you: i know who you are, Jenna
that's it. three seconds of typing.
she introduced herself like you don't know who she is. she's the one who found you. so you take her friendly little intro and make it slightly ominous. now she has nowhere to go but ask what that means. you're back in the character she liked, instantly.
notice what you did not do. you did not match her pleasantness. she went warm, and you stayed weird. the warmth is her chasing. you don't reward a chase by rolling over. this is the Idiot Toddler Framework in action, and it's the foundation everything else sits on. stay the chaotic, unpredictable toddler she matched with. do not put on a suit the moment she texts.
what if she plays hard to get after giving you her number?
she will. watch what happens next.
her: well i'm pretty selective. i usually don't give my number out on Hinge. so jury's still out if we're actually gonna meet in person
she just set up a gate. she's the gatekeeper now. and this is where about half of you sprint straight into salesman mode.
you: haha well so am i, but i think we're a really good match so i'm not concerned
oh no. brian. brian brian brian.
you just auditioned. she built a gate and you walked through it holding a resume. "i think we're a really good match" is you reassuring her you're worth picking. "so am i" is you competing on her terms. you accepted the frame that she's evaluating you, and then you tried to pass the interview.
the character she liked doesn't know what "selective" means. he's not reassuring anyone. he's not competing. if anything, he's alarmed.
her: jury's still out if we're actually gonna meet in person
you: that sounds like a threat, Jenna
five words. her whole power move gets flipped into something she has to walk back. she went from gatekeeper to suspect in one sentence. you're the one who suddenly seems unsafe, and she's the one explaining herself.
this works because of Signal Inversion Theory: the confident move is to act like she's the scary one, not you. women on the apps are naturally far more cautious of men, because there's genuinely more risk for them. so when you flip it and act mildly terrified of her, you break the pattern of every other guy trying to prove he's safe and impressive. i wrote a whole breakdown on why acting terrified of women is insanely attractive. you're just a dude trying to play with your Legos in the corner. she's the threat.
why does going into "LinkedIn mode" kill it?
because it's the exact behavior that got every other guy in her inbox ignored.
think about how you operate at work. you're measured, professional, you follow up, you demonstrate value, you close. that instinct is a huge asset in a performance review. it is poison the second she texts you first. the whole reason six figures earns you zero matches is that the competence that runs your professional life reads as boring and try-hard the moment you point it at a woman.
"how's your day going" is a cover letter. "i think we're a great match" is a pitch deck. reassuring her you're worth picking is you negotiating your own salary down. she doesn't want to hire you. she wants to be entertained by you.
the sale is not closed when you get the number. it's not closed when the first date goes well. it's not closed until you're sitting across from her, and honestly not even fully then. so many guys taste a little success, decide they've got it, and start freestyling. that's the exact moment they shoot themselves in the foot. then they come crawling back trying to fix a double text that didn't need to happen.
how do you carry the same energy onto the date?
same voice. no character change.
i've been showing up to dates fully suited up, staying the absurd, ridiculous, funny version of myself, for almost a year now. the women come away saying the same thing, some version of "i can't tell if you're really funny or really dumb."
that's the target. that exact confusion. it's the line between funny and dumb where all the attraction lives, and it's the same reason texting like an idiot beats texting like a jerk. you're not trying to be impressive. you're trying to be unpredictable and warm and slightly unhinged, from the first match to the third date and beyond.
the number just moved the conversation from an app to your phone. it did not promote you to a customer service rep. keep the spark. keep the flirtatious energy. stay in the bit.
she found you. remember that. she's the one who typed out your number, saved your contact, and hit send first. don't respond to that by handing her a business card.
try The Guy at asktheguy.app. paste your conversation, get the version that actually works.
video transcript
Guys, getting her number isn't the finish line. Sitting across from her on an actual date is. And if you've been using The Guy app, and you've now finally started texting like the catch you are, link in the description to grab a free trial, then you have actually been dropping your number at the perfect time, and she's now texting you.
Fantastic. Well done. But I have to make this video today 'cause so many of our customers drop the bit, or they completely change character really is what it is, as soon as they get the woman texting them first. So I wanna show you what you should actually be saying now when she starts texting you first.
But you have to understand that just because she texted you and now you've transitioned from the app to the cell phone to over, like, you know, iMessage, or if you're European, WhatsApp, now is not the time to go into LinkedIn mode. Now is not the time to be ex- just like every other guy. Now is the time to show her that you are who you said you are.
And also, guys, this goes so much deeper, and this will be a future video, probably tomorrow, but when it comes to actually acting on the date, you really need to internalize The Guy philosophy and be the absurd, ridiculous, funny, authentic version of yourself 'cause that's what's gonna have you be the most successful on the apps, and that's what's gonna help you on the date go from date one to date two to date three and so on and so forth.
Keep the spark alive. Keep the flirtatious energy. Stay the unpredictable, chaotic toddler that I know you can be. And if you do this right, like I have been doing for the past, I don't know, almost a year now, where I show up to the date fully suited up Basically, you'll have women saying at the end of the dates like I've had at least one time now, but they all come a- away with the same idea, saying, "I can't tell if you're just really funny or really dumb."
And that's exactly where you wanna be. So let me show you what this looks like. So she texted you first. Let me give you an example here. She texted you first. She said, "Hey, it's Jenna," smiley face. Now, you should run that through The Guy app before you send anything. This is where so many guys go wrong because they think that now that they texted, they don't need to use The Guy app anymore.
They think they can just freestyle. Now, listen, we don't want you locked into a subscription forever. We want you to eventually get a girlfriend and get into a relationship where you don't need to use The Guy app anymore. But also, one thing worth noting is that The Guy app is not designed to just continue pushing forward and trying to escalate things with no end in sight.
The Guy app is designed where it will eventually recognize that the relationship has moved from the initial dating stage into a very much more serious phase, and it'll cut you off and say, "You don't need my help anymore. You are good on your own." And that's part of the reason why that The Guy app is a text coach.
It's not some AI pickup line generator. It's gonna give you an analysis. I'm gonna show you what that looks like in a second. And then it's actually gonna give you handpicked lines and explain to you why it works. So eventually you won't even need to use The Guy. Hopefully, you only need to buy a couple credit packs, or if you're a real power user, subscribe for a weekly fee, cancel any time, and then you'll be good, okay?
And conversely, it's also said that whenever it's picking up that the girl is not respecting you or the vibe isn't right or she's just not serious, she's not, um, you know, emotionally available, as they say, then it's gonna tell you to ditch it and focus on other options, okay? So back to the example. She opens with, "Hey, it's Jenna," smiley face.
Now The Guy, you paste that into The Guy. The Guy says, "She texted first. That's her chasing. The smiley face means she's warm and waiting for you to set the tone. This is your moment to reestablish the voice from the app immediately so she knows nothing has changed. Don't match her pleasantness. Stay in the bit.
She's the one who tracked you down, not the other way around. What are you thinking of replying?" And so I had it say, "Hi, Jenna!" Exclamation point. "How's your day going?" Question mark. "I'm about to go play tennis with some friends." I feel like that's a pretty standard opener lots of you guys would be using, right?
You're trying to be polite, respectful, how's your day going, and then demonstrate that you have something fun going on, social proof, all right? Now, if you were to run that through the guy app, the guy would tell you, "That's not going to work. You just killed the character in one text. 'How's your day going?'
is what her dentist sends. And the tennis thing, that's itinerary sharing, which we've talked about before. You're volunteering your schedule to a girl who just tracked you down. She built a version of you on the app, and she just replaced him with a LinkedIn connection request." Yeah, the guy roast you, no doubt, but that's because you guys need the roasting, all right?
The roasting will, uh, continue until the texts improve. She said, "Hey, it's Jenna." She introduced herself like you don't know who she is. That's your material. She's the one who found you. Option one, I know who you are, Jenna. Two, took you long enough. Three, Jenna, period. So it begins. It says, "I'd go with one, I know who you are, Jenna.
It's three seconds of typing, flips her friendly intro into something ominous, and she has nowhere to go but ask what that means. You're back in the bid instantly." So I think that's pretty good. So most of you guys would say ... Now it's gonna ask you, um, what are you thinking of replying? Oh, no, she, she says
So yeah, you say number one. Excuse me, I always lose my place in these videos. You say number one, I know who you are, Jenna. And then she says, "Well, I'm pretty selective. I usually don't give my number out on Hinge. So jury's still out if we're gonna actually end up meeting in person." All right, so now she's playing hard to get.
She's trying to be the gatekeeper, okay? But you don't want to engage with that at all. Don't engage with that at all, right? You don't audition. 'Cause so many of you guys, if you got a text like that, you would instantly go into salesman mode. That's the trap, okay? What you would instead wanna say... Many of you guys were thinking about replying as this: "Ha ha.
Well, so am I, but I think we're a really good match, so I'm not concerned." That's you guys. Most of you go into salesman mode. The other part that wouldn't go into salesman mode would try to play it off as cool. Try to be like, "Oh, I'm not concerned. We're a great match." The guy would say... Now, if you were to run that through The Guy app before you send that, the guy would say, "That's not going to work.
You just auditioned. She set up a gate, and you walked through holding a resume. 'I think we're a really good match' is you reassuring her you're worth picking, and 'So am I' is you competing on her terms. The character from the app doesn't know what selective means. He's not reassuring anyone. He's alarmed."
That's exactly what... Go back and watch the one video I made where you need to flip the dynamic. Act like she's the scary one, because women on the apps are naturally much more cautious of men, 'cause there's a lot more risk for her. You need to flip the dynamic. She's the scary one. You're just a dude trying to play with your Legos in the corner, okay?
So The Guy app recommends three options here. "Selective for what? What is happening?" Two, "That sounds like a threat, Jenna." Three, "I didn't agree to a jury. Who are these people?" And then it says, "I'd go with two." Five words flips her whole power move into something she has to walk back, and you're the one who feels unsafe.
She went from gatekeeper to suspect in one sentence. So guys, hopefully now you're seeing why you need to continue using The Guy app. You cannot just use The Guy app on the actual dating apps, Hinge, Bun- um, Bumble, Tinder, Raya, any of these apps. You need to continue using The Guy app, because The Guy app...
It's not the goal, guys, to go back to the intro of this video. The goal is not just to text forever. The Guy app is going to help you go from match to number in 12 messages or less, but then you need to continue using The Guy app, because you'll see the text game is still critically important even after you get the number.
The sale is not closed. The sale is not gonna be closed until the two of you are actually across from each other, or really ideally, as you know, we'll, we'll eventually talk about how to run dates on this channel, I'm sure. But you wanna be, you know, side to side. The, the, the sale is not closed until then, and even then it goes so much deeper, 'cause even then you need to know how to...
So many guys think they have success, and they just stop using The Guy, whether it's after she texts first or the first date goes well. They start free styling, and then that's when they shoot themselves in the foot. They come crawling back to The Guy app to send a double text, which, you know, sometimes the guy can bail them out.
The Guy app is gonna give you a better chance than anyone to bail it out, but it can't always be done. So guys, moral of the story, moral of the video: continue watching, or continue using The Guy app. And yes, continue watching the channel. Subscribe, like, and if you have any questions, comment. But basically, you really owe it to yourself to start using The Guy app, because the texting, the dating apps are a minefield, and The Guy app is gonna help you navigate it.
All right. That's it for me in this one. I will see you tomorrow, Friday. Five videos a week, guys. Not fooling around. Peace