// intel / psychology

the version of you on dating apps is fake and she knows it (here's the fix)

tldr: The polished, polite version of you on the apps is the act, not your normal self. She can feel it's pre-calculated, and it reads as hiding something. Drop the filter, text like you talk to your best friends, and she stops looking for the catch.

#dating-apps#texting#authenticity#openers#signal-inversion

Every customer asks me the same question eventually. "When do I drop the act and just start being myself?"

They've been using the app. Matching with girls they never thought they'd match with. Getting laughs. Building a vibe. And at some point the guilt kicks in. They feel like they're running a bit. Like there's a real version of them waiting in the wings.

Here's the part they have backwards.

The bit was the old you. The overly polite, filtered, pre-calculated guy who treated every match like a cold outreach. That was the act. That was the mask. The version texting like a catch is the one that's actually real.

why does the polished version feel fake to her?

Because it is fake. And she has a radar for it.

You show up on the apps as the most sanded-down version of yourself. No edges. No opinions. No weird jokes. You proofread. You hedge. You open the chat like it's a cold LinkedIn connection request. "Hey Jenny, saw you're super into hiking, what are your favorite trails in California?"

You think polished reads as safe. It reads as hiding something.

This is Signal Inversion Theory: everything that makes you a catch in real life sabotages you on the apps. In person she can see the fitness, the hobbies, the job, the friends who actually like you. On the apps she can't. All she has is your text. And when your text is flawless and careful and agenda-free of any actual personality, the alarm bells start going off.

She's not thinking "wow, what a gentleman." She's thinking "what is this guy hiding? is he a serial killer?"

It's the uncanny valley. Too perfect stops looking human.

what does the "real" version actually look like?

It looks like how you talk to your sister. Your brother. Your best friend from middle school. Unfiltered. No preset agenda. Not trying to impress. Not trying to get her back to your place 30 minutes after meeting.

I was the polished guy. Everything going for me in real life. I'd cold approach, have a great interaction in person, get the number, and then shoot myself in the foot over text every single time. Because the second it moved to the phone, I went back into work mode. Careful. Composed. Boring.

My co-founder fixed it. He was engaged at the time, and he'd walk me through every scenario, ad nauseam. Eventually he just started stealing my phone and sending the messages himself. That was the only way. I was too scared to hit send on the stuff that actually worked.

Once I stopped trying to be the impressive guy, I had more success than I'd ever had.

why does texting like an idiot toddler work?

The Idiot Toddler Framework is a frame, not a personality transplant. I'm not telling you to become an actual idiot toddler. I'm telling you it's the fastest way to get out of your own head.

You think you're being logical. You're not. You're anxious. You've convinced yourself that if you show up goofy and absurd and clearly not taking it seriously, she'll think "what's with this guy" and never see you again.

I've heard every version of that excuse. All of them are wrong.

When you have everything going on in real life and you refuse to take the text seriously, she can't figure you out. That's the paradox. The mystery is what makes her chase. The guy with no agenda is the guy she can't file away.

what should a cold opener actually look like?

My co-founder still sends me these at all hours. It's a little ridiculous. Here's the difference between what you're sending and what actually lands.

YOU (LinkedIn DM energy): "Hey Jenny, saw you're super into hiking. What are your favorite trails in California?"

THE FIX: "you look like someone who's ruined a man's life before. i'm not saying i'm scared, but i'm scared"

"my landlord said if i match with one more person like you he's evicting me. thanks for that"

"i showed your profile to my dog. he hid under the bed. what did you do"

Let it sit.

The first one is a cover letter. She's read it a million times. It requires nothing from her except a chore of a response. Every guy in her inbox wrote something nearly identical.

The other three don't ask her to perform. They hand her a scene and dare her to play along. There's no compliment fishing. No polished angle. Just chaos with zero agenda. That's the tell that you're not running a script.

You're not sending those to hack her. You're sending them to hack you. The whole terminal aesthetic, black background, green text, the 1980s look, none of it is a trick to manipulate women. It's a tool to get you out of your own way and let you text like the catch you already are.

what if she doesn't like the unfiltered version?

Then she was never a fit. And that's the whole point.

When she likes you, when you're her type, you can send anything and it doesn't matter. She's into you either way. When she's not into you, nothing you write will save it. If she's into the hipster skater doofus with a sleeve of tattoos, I could text her Shakespeare and she'd still ghost me. That's fine.

Better to be polarizing than to be a one-size-fits-all solution that fits no one. The unfiltered text is a filter. If she can't handle the absurd stuff, she was never going to work out, and you just saved yourself three weeks of pretending.

This is also why leading with your red flags builds more trust than hiding them. When you show up unhinged and self-aware, she knows what she's dealing with. She can drop her guard. When you show up flawless, she keeps waiting for the mask to slip.

why do smart, successful guys fail at this specifically?

Because you're used to environments where polish gets rewarded. The performance review. The salary negotiation. The pitch. In those rooms, careful and composed wins. So you bring the same operating system to the apps and it backfires.

Then it gets worse. You fail a few times and go online looking for answers. You find the red pill and blue pill camps, and both of them are dead ends pointing in opposite directions. One tells you to resent her. One tells you to worship her. Neither tells you the truth, which is that you're just texting like you're at work.

The fix isn't a new attitude about women. It's dropping the filter you never needed in the first place.

So stop asking when you get to be yourself. You already are yourself when you send the unhinged text. The polished guy was the costume. She always knew it. Now you do too.

This is the last one in the series. If you're new, go back and watch it all, because we took apart every reason a guy who wins everywhere else loses here. And the one thing I want you to walk away with: the version she trusts is the one you're most afraid to send.

try The Guy at asktheguy.app. paste your conversation, get the version that actually works.

video transcript

So when do I drop the act and just start being myself? That's a question that literally every single one of our customers asks at some point after using The Guy app. They've been using it to match with their dream girls, text them like they've never done before. They're getting great results. They're getting laughs.

They're building a vibe, a connection. But then at some point, they wonder when they should drop the bit. But what you have to understand is that it's actually the opposite. The bit was the overly polite, filtered, fake, quite frankly, version of yourself that you were presenting to g- to people on the apps before you started using The Guy app.

The Guy app just gets you out of your own way. It stops you from opening the chat like you're sending a cold LinkedIn DM connection request and instead opens the chat the same way you would talk to your sister, to your brother, to your best friends that you've known since middle school. That's the difference.

The overly polite person who is treating every single date like a job interview, that's the filter, and that's why you didn't have success until you finally started using The Guy app, link in the description, and you just started texting like the catch you are. And so this is the last video in the series, and if you're new here, go back and watch it 'cause we really deconstructed everything in terms of why you fail on the apps despite the fact that you're successful in every other area of your life.

You've got cool hobbies. You've got the fitness down. You make good money. Your family and friends love you. But then on the apps, it just doesn't click, and you wonder why. And then you either start looking at the red pill content online and become very sour on the entire dating market as a whole, or you go totally blue pill, and quite honestly, that's just gonna be a dead end just in the other opposite direction.

And so that's why we created The Guy app. It's the signal inversion theory. Everything that makes you a catch in real life is what sabotages you on the dating apps. And then you have to understand w- the other main framework f- that we've proposed in this video series, the underlying philosophy of the guy, is the idiot toddler framework.

And we've gotten a lot of pushback on this, and I get it. But guys, what you have to understand is that when you are acting ... This is just a frame. Keep in mind. It's not ... We're not saying become an idiot toddler, okay? No, of course not. But this is just a frame we've found that helps guys get out of their own head and actually start having fun on the apps and on the dates themselves.

Because what you don't understand is you guys think you're so logical, and you're so in your head. You're still in work mode. You think that, "Oh, if I show up, and I act, like, absurd and goofy and ridiculous, and I'm not showing her that I'm taking it super seriously, she's gonna be like, 'What's with this guy?'

And then she's not gonna wanna see me again," blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Guys, we've heard every single excuse in the book. And I'm living proof of it all because I was the guy who was overly polished. You know what? You know, I was the guy who had everything going on for me in real life, but on the apps, I presented myself as this overly polished version.

I took the dates way too seriously, and I just never had the success that I wanted But then after making the transformation, and it wasn't ... It was only because I would constantly talk to my co-founder about all this stuff. He was married or engaged at the time, and he was talking me through ad nauseam, ad nausea, constantly, every single scenario, and he really drilled into me the philosophy that I am now bringing to you guys in this video series.

So it's because of him that I was able to make this transformation, and it's because of the transformation that I'm making these videos on a daily basis to help you guys, 'cause these are the videos I would have wanted a year or so ago. And ever since I adopted the idli- excuse me, ever since I adopted the Idiot Toddler Framework, that was when I've really never had more success dating than I have now, quite honestly.

And I was the guy who was going out and cold approaching, having a great interaction with women in real life, and then I would shoot myself in the foot over the text app, over the text communication. So going forward on this channel, it's just gonna be random one-off videos on any topics we have any interest in producing content for, but this closes out the series.

But what you have to understand, going back to the Idiot Toddler Framework, is that when you have everything going on for you in real life, she can see it in person and she can see it on the app. You're in shape, you have good hobbies, you're financially secure, all that. But then you refuse to take things too seriously when it comes to the text communication and how you communicate in person.

You're just fun, you're unfiltered, you have no preset agenda, you're not trying to, you know, take her back to your place 30 minutes after meeting her. You have no agenda, like I just said That's when she can't figure you out. That's what actually creates interest. That's the paradox that's actually going to

That's the mystery that's going to have her chasing you. And if there's one thing you really need to internalize, guys, with the text game so that you can finally start sending whatever's on your mind, the unfiltered messages, I'm gonna give you a couple examples in a second here. But what you have to understand, and this is why you should have no fear when it comes to sending the text messages that the I-app recommends, is that when she likes you, when you're her type, when for whatever reason the archetype of a man that you are just does it for her, you can send anything and it literally doesn't matter.

She's gonna be into you either way. Conversely, if she's not into you, like take me for example. If sh- if a girl I'm talking to is into the hipster skater doofus type with a bunch of tattoos, it doesn't matter what I text her, she's never gonna be into me, and that's okay. It's better to be polarizing in that way than try to be something for everyone, to try to be a one-size-fits-all solution.

And so guys, at the end of the day, you just need to embrace the fact that you can use the text communication to filter women out. If she doesn't like the absurd, unfiltered, unhinged stuff you have to say, then quite honestly, she was never gonna be a good fit for you in the first place. And to bring it back to the video, so g- lemme give you some examples 'cause you'll never get it otherwise.

So cold openers, for example. My co-founder sent me these last night. He just sends these to me at all times of the day. It's a little ridiculous, quite honestly For example, right now you're opening with LinkedIn DM connection request energy. "Hey Jenny, saw you're super into hiking. What are your favorite trails in California?"

She's heard it all a million times, guys. Instead, what you should send is something like, "You look like someone who's ruined a man's life before. I'm not saying I'm scared, but I'm scared." "My landlord said if I match with one more person like you, he's evicting me. Thanks for that." "I showed your profile to my dog.

He hid under the bed. What did you do?" The last two I think are better than the first one

So guys, that's the type of chaotic energy you need to open with. And you're gonna see, if you open with that, you're gonna get way better results. Trust me, I was the guy afraid to send those messages at first. It wasn't until my co-founder literally would steal my phone and send a message that I only...

That was the only way. And then I started getting good results. That was the only way I actually started to, uh, change my philosophy around these things. And so guys, to bring it back to the start of the video with The Guy app, the terminal aesthetic, the 1980s, you know, black background, green text, it is not to hack women.

No, it's the opposite. It's to hack you. It's to, it's for you to get out of your own way and just start texting like the catch you are. And start, and stop being the unfiltered version you're presenting yourself on the apps, because she can feel it, guys. She can absolutely feel it. She knows it's an act, and she can trust the unhinged, absurd guy who clearly has no preset agenda and isn't taking things too seriously more than the guy who's overly polished with everything he says, where everything seems very pre-calculated, okay?

It's the uncanny valley effect. When you, conversely, when you re- excuse me, when you lead with the red flags, then she can actually drop her guard down, 'cause sh- and get comfortable and actually get to know you and, you know, establish a connection and a vibe. 'Cause she knows what she's dealing with, and we all have our red flags.

But when you present yourself as this overly perfect version, then it's not like she doesn't buy it. If anything, her, the alarm bells start going off and she's like, "What is this guy actually hiding? Is he a serial killer?" All right, guys, that's it for me in this one. Check out The Guy app. Link in the description.

You owe it to yourself. If you clicked on this video, you're struggling with the text game. What do you have to lose? Free trial. You can text up to three matches and s- and see the results for yourself. All right, that's it for me in this one. I'll see you next time. Peace out.